What am I doing with my life? How much money do I earn? Is it enough? Am I doing things to please people or myself? Am I in the right city? Am I in the right career? Do I have best friends? Am I a good friend? Am I getting too old? Am I living my life to the fullest? Am I doing what I really want to do? Am I saying what I really want to say? What do I want to do?
I think 30 is just a rounded figure given to a period in one’s life where you have a million questions that pop into your head all at the same time and they are all about growing older. Some people call it a pre-mid life crisis. That is when you become too obsessed with yourself.
The self-obsession happened to me a lot earlier. I was 25. I was questioning everything around me. I took a sabbatical for six months to find what I really wanted to do with myself and ended up spending most of that time going on holidays. Eventually I found myself broke and had to end up doing jobs I really didn’t want to do. By 27, I felt burnt out and frustrated! I had no choice, but to give in.
And then it started turning around. By giving in, I was finally accepting myself for who I truly was. There is a great joy when you settle in to your own shoes. Not trying to be the person, people want you to be or what you feel you are supposed to be, but by just being yourself!
I guess it is like a hurdle on a racetrack. Life throws hurdles your way and how you leap over them defines the track ahead. I’ve found many things that work for me, that help me feel that I’m living my life to its fullest. I will not share those with you. I guess you need to find your own. I was asked to write what it means to be turning 30 as a man.
But I write only for myself, because I feel we are all unique and all of us have our own experiences that define us. The only constants are the speed breakers. You have to ride them!