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What they really mean...

As promised last week, here’s the one that is called — What They Really Mean When They Say...

entertainment Updated: Jul 11, 2010 14:51 IST
Rahul Bose

As promised last week, here’s the one that is called — What They Really Mean When They Say.



(Producer to actor)

Sabhi log jaante hain, aap true actor hain. Aapke liye sirf role mayne rakhta hain…

’ — ‘We are going to pay you 5,000 rupees for the film.’



(Upmarket producer to actress)

‘This is a totally today kind of film. No inhibitions, anything goes…you know!’ — ‘You have two sex scenes in this film.’



Rahul Bose(Big-time producer to TV cameras as he exits rival’s premiere)

‘Actors have worked so hard, technicians, musicians…

sabhi ne man lagaakar kaam kiya hain.

’ — ‘It’s a flop! Yesss!! It’s a flop!!’



(Upmarket director to costume designer)

— ‘Megs, I don’t know, babes, but this outfit isn’t looking good on Gugu. I know I approved it, but can we do something more fun? You know, younger?’ — ‘I want her in a short, frilly mini skirt. And a tight cropped top.’



(Director to actor)

‘Sir,

aap

please script

pe mat jayeeyega

.

Main chahoonga ki main aapko narration doon

.’ - ‘The script sucks. But I think you are so stupid that I can dazzle you with my theatrics.’



(Director to actor)

‘It’s a low-budget film.’ — ‘Can you get us the funding?’



(Hero to hero)

‘Bro! Bro,

whatta

film

yaar

!! You’ve killed it! I was like…blown away! And the climax! Dude!!’ — ‘You were just about passable. And the climax? Pathetic.’



(Hero to hero)

‘Heeey. Well done, bro. Listen, I have to run, baba. Catch you soon.’ — ‘He was bloody good in the film. Have to run home and start plotting a whispering campaign to make sure this film doesn’t become too big.’



(Heroine to journalist)

‘Gawd! After shooting this film, I’m looking forward to going to America, just disappearing for a month!’ — ‘I’m off for some plastic surgery.’



(Heroine to journalist)

‘Shooting in Iceland was soooo fun! Garima and I hung out like, 24x7!! She even stayed on after her work was over!’ — ‘Garima’s got a smaller role than mine.’



(Heroine in press conference)

‘Working with Thiyyam Sir was such a privilege! He is full of surprises! Everyday was like an adventure!’ — ‘I don’t have a clue what I was doing in this film. Never understood a word of what the director was saying.’



(Director at same press conference)

‘You see, filmmaking cannot be totally predictable. I like to see what inspires me on the day. It’s a dynamic, evolutionary process for me.’ — ‘I don’t know how to make films.’



(Producer to me)

‘Hello, hello, Rahulsaab. I loves your work! Very different kind of actor!’ —‘You freak. Who let you into this industry?’



(Next week — How the downmarket Bombay film industry has become the upmarket Mumbai one…and yet nothing’s changed.)



Read more of Rahul Bose's columns