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What was is not what is

Don't know what to do when the old charm in your relationship is missing? Or you still get nervous while talking to a girl. Uncle Cyrus becomes agony aunt just for you.

entertainment Updated: Apr 05, 2012 13:10 IST
Cyrus Broacha

I’m 16 and I’m in love with a boy who’s 19. Although we’re childhood friends, we weren’t in touch for a long time, but we recently met via Facebook. Now we chat regularly, but the old charm is missing! Please help me proceed.
— Mikhal Keskar
Hi Mikhal, normally, I’m not allowed to chat with 16-year-old girls without police supervision, so thank you for this opportunity. It looks like you’ve answered your own questions. If the old charm is missing, it means you’ve reached the programme’s expiry date. Remember what LK Advani told Atal Behari Vajpayee recently: “What was is not what is.” Of course, Vajpayee didn’t hear a word as he was standing more than three feet away. You’re in love with the idea of being in love with this guy, and like Vajpayee, it seems the time’s passed.

I’m 20 years old and I met a girl a month ago. I once saw her in a garden with her friends and went ahead and proposed to her. Now we are in a relationship. I love her a lot, but I’m not sure if she loves me. Apparently, her previous boyfriend died from an illness. What can I do to find out if she loves me?
— Devendra Mane
Okay, Devendra, it looks like the Mumbai Indians should sign you on any moment. In less than a month, you met, courted and ‘pittaoed’ a girl. And all you had to support yourself in this endeavour was a garden! What speed, what precocity — but this is the problem with batting so fast. It’s tough to say if her feelings are deep and for real. That is why I still prefer test cricket. It may be longer and more painful but the results are longer lasting. She also carries emotional baggage, so her thinking may not be balanced. However, I’m a firm believer that girls must be a little emotionally unbalanced to fall for men. Now that you’re in it, keep going and time will answer your questions. Now keep your phone free for your IPL phone call.

I’m 19 and I’ve liked a girl for the past year. During college, my friends and I often see her staring at me. We are friends but we don’t talk much. Our academic year ends in a week and we’ll soon have vacations after that, so there isn’t much time left to hang out. I think she is interested in me as she’s always nice to talk to, and gives good feedback.
— Happy and Confused
Mr H and C, firstly, a peculiar name your parents have given you. Okay, let’s see: she stares at you — tick the box. She talks to you — tick the box. She gives you good vibes — tick the box. What more do you want, a printed invitation with a pair of copulating swans on the cover? H and C, you seem to have all the aces so act now, seven days is a long time. Just ask Poland in September 1939.

I’m 14 and I love a girl who has a boyfriend. But he doesn’t love her as much as I do. My problem is that whenever I talk to a girl, I get nervous and start to sweat or run away. In fact, initially I was going to propose to this girl, but the same guy did it before me.
— Harya Shah
You may hurry now, but you missed the opportunity and he won her fair and square. If you were playing chess, I’d say you are playing black and you’re a step behind. This is the same as the BJP’s performance in the recent UP elections. In the future, try and catch the frisbee before the other doggie. About the nervousness, don’t worry, that’s never going to go. Girls who like you will find it cute and those who don’t will recoil with horror. Words of advice: later on, whatever you do, don’t get married to a girl who doesn’t like you. I did and believe me, nervousness and sweating is the least of your problems.

Just write to uncle cy cyrus@hindustantimes.com And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.