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When you end up talking before you start thinking

entertainment Updated: Sep 22, 2007 16:39 IST
Vikram Bhatt
Vikram Bhatt
Hindustan Times
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The most common joke among our friends is that Ameesha Patel will talk, talk and then think while Vikram Bhatt will think, think and then talk. We laugh over this all the time.

Recently a funny incident occurred. My close friend, Ashish Singh, bought a new car, a beautiful Accord. We went for a drive, Ashish, his wife, Sejal, Ameesha and I. I loved the car. I thought it was really spacious with lavishly done up interiors.

Childlike or mature?
I said, "Bhau (that's what I call Ashish), this is a really cool car. I think I should sell my Mercedes and buy this." Ameesha replied promptly, "Are you mad? Do you want to move down in life?"

There was an uneasy silence in the car. I couldn't believe that she'd said this. Then all of us burst out laughing. Ashish said, "Don't worry Ami.. this is why we all love you."

This story has become a legend. We tease her about it all the time. But it left me wondering if I would have gotten away so easily, had I made that comment. Probably not.

People will forgive Ameesha anything because somewhere she does not mean to be hurtful. It's her childlike persona. She's supposed to be child-like while I'm supposed to be mature. What does this maturity business mean? Is speaking your mind immaturity? Is maintaining silence a sign of maturity?

Just let go
Take the example of a person who ridicules you all the time and you don't indulge him.. you just let it go. Is that maturity? Would it not be mature to confront the person? If the answer to this is, yes, then there would be very little difference between cowardice and maturity?

Sometimes you have to let people know how you feel. Then there's also this point of view, ‘let sleeping dogs lie' or ‘discretion is the better part of valour.' So what's a mature reaction and what's an immature one?

When I think of this, I'm reminded of something that my colleague once told me, "We must not react, we must only respond." Is there a difference between the two? I think there is.

According to me, a reaction is without thought or at least without much thought while a response is a well thought out one. So perhaps, this is maturity.

First reaction
The more I think of this, the more I believe it to be true. I think it ‘s fair to say that maturity is the ability to question our first reaction and turn it into a response.

Then it's not important what the response is. You may decide to confront the person or not.. I think both the reactions are mature. Let's not confuse right or wrong decisions with maturity and immaturity .

Mature responses could be right or wrong if they are well thought out. So people like Ameesha Patel who are not scared to speak their mind are not necessarily immature or people like me who keep quiet all the time are mature. People react all the time and respond at other times.