If you thought putting a hand on your mouth and forcing yourself to shut up every time your partner provokes you to scream is a great idea to keep your relationship going strong, we have an eye-opener for you. It is not always best to forgive and forget in your marriage, sometimes it is okay to let out the anger bottled-up inside you!
According to a new study, sometimes expressing anger may be necessary to resolve an issue in a relationship. Researchers from Florida State University have found that expressing anger may have short-term discomfort of an angry and honest conversation but in the long-run it will benefit the health of the relationship.
A popular research trend in recent years, positive psychology has offered the promise that with forgiveness, optimism, kindness, and positive thinking, people can turn around their relationships even after serious arguments.
Contrary to that, in a set of recent studies, James McNulty found that forgiveness in marriage can have some unintended negative effects. “We all experience a time in a relationship in which a partner offends us in some way. For example, a partner may be financially irresponsible, unfaithful, or un-supportive,” McNulty said.
“When these events occur, we must decide whether we should be angry and hold onto that anger, or forgive,” he said, adding, “Believing a partner is forgiving leads agreeable people to be less likely to offend that partner and disagreeable people to be more likely to offend that partner,” he said. If you keep your anger to yourself, your partner will take you for granted and will not correct his/her ways. This will lead to bigger fights later.
“If the partner can do something to resolve a problem that is likely to otherwise continue and negatively affect the relationship, people may experience long-term benefits by temporarily withholding forgiveness and expressing anger,” he added.
You also feel lighter when you have shared your thoughts with your partner, and you know that your partner is aware that his/her actions are causing you distress. The research will be presented at the American Psychological Association's (APA) annual convention in Orlando this week.
Forgiveness is not always the best policy in a marriage
Experts say that they come across a lot of failed relationships because people, especially women, try to camouflage their resentment and try to be super-accommodating. People hide their anger thinking they will hurt their partner or for the sake of peace. “When you don’t like a certain action, and still pretend to be happy, you’re cheating your own self, as well as your partner. Repressing your feeling builds up negativity in a relationship, and make the partners grow apart,” says relationship expert Jai Madan. Forgiving your partner all the time also means compromising on your self-respect, which is the sign of being trapped in an unhealthy relationship.
(With inputs from PTI)