Popping my Star Wars cherry: Attack of Clones is better than Empire

  • Soumya Srivastava, Hindustan Times, New Delhi
  • Updated: Dec 24, 2015 17:11 IST
Tricked us, Master Yoda has. Walk, he can. (Lucasfilm)

Star Wars: The Force Awakens released on December 18 everywhere in the world but China and India (you can thank Dilwale and Bajirao for that). While the rest of humanity is frothing at the mouth with excitement, we are here waiting for Christmas (it releases here on December 25). But hold on, we have something you can chew on meanwhile.

I have watched more movies than there are stars in the sky and I feel not a sliver of humility in making such a proclamation. However, I still have not watched some really big ones (incredibly ashamed as I make this confession) like the $4.6bn Star Wars space saga- a colossus of entertainment that so many works after it have stood upon to reach for their own heights.

Star Wars made me feel alienated. It hurts when you see online rants and understand none of them. Obsessives would fight over which lightsaber is the best as I would stand there waiting for the conversation to move to Harry Potter instead.

But no more! I will not endure another decade of cluelessness as others around me bask in the glory of the new Star Wars movie. I will try to be one of them. I will join the Force.

In a span of six days I will watch the six movies in the order of their original release and share my thoughts on them. There are a lot of different opinions on how one should watch the series but I feel it is best to follow the original sequence as time intended. Here is what I thought about Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones.

Read: What I thought about A New Hope

Read: What I thought about Empire Strikes Back

Read: What I thought about Return of the Jedi

Read: What I thought about The Phantom Menace

Clones, clones, clones, clones, clones, clones, clones, clones, clones, clones, clones, clones, clones, clones... (Lucasfilm)

A few days ago, one ‘hurt’ Star Wars fan, miffed with my utter lack of devotion to the space saga, posted a tweet to vent his scorn and disgust for me: ‘Try the prequels, you’ll like them’. Make no mistake, this was no innocent suggestion. Because only two tweets ago he suggested I should limit myself to Dilwale and the likes for that is what I am ‘capable of enjoying’. Clearly, he doesn’t think very highly of me or my choice in movies.

Well, dear friend, if you are reading this, you’re right. I liked Attack of the Clones. What on earth is wrong with me?

Characters/plot: Iconic or moronic

Why don’t people like the prequels? My few complaints would be the creepy romantic angle between Padme and Anakin, and well, of course, Jar Jar Binks (who thankfully got way less screen time than he had in The Phantom Menace and perhaps also the USP of this movie). But for these two, I enjoyed everything.

I watched this movie after a crushing day at work, at 2am and was expecting to fall asleep halfway through it. I didn’t, surprisingly. The two parallel plots were interesting and full of action.

Mama’s dead. (Lucasfilm)

Anakin Skywalker is far less boring than Luke but could really do without the ‘rapey-eyes’. His mind is convoluted and very clearly edging towards the Dark side and the struggle to choose between the two is apparent. With Luke all could I think was: ‘There goes the mighty noob, another day to be a hero. Fight some Stormtroopers and then chill at the crib with his homies Leia and Han.’

Anakin, however, is fighting the thoughts on whether to follow Obi-Wan who he thinks is jealous of him, and the urge to break the rules of the Jedi for his love for Padme (whom he thought about everyday for 10 years ... creepy, no?).

Padme: I call it aggressive negotiations. (Lucasfilm)

Padme too redeems herself as she engages in some action here. Yes, she did need Obi-Wan and Anakin to protect her in the beginning, but after that, she didn’t really need any saving. Instead, she helped Anakin go to his mother’s aid by not being a ‘burden’ on him. She even made him realise that they should save Obi-Wan (how convenient of shady-boy Anakin to finally think about following orders when his master’s life is in danger).

You’re making her uncomfortable Anakin. (Lucasfilm)

If only they didn’t have those cringe-worthy ‘romantic’ scenes and tortured me with stupid dialogues like these:

From the moment I met you... all those years ago... not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought of you. And now that I’m with you again I’m in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you, I can’t breathe. I’m haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating... hoping that that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me.

Spoken like a true creep.

Hi I’m Jango and welcome to my crib. (Lucasfilm)

One of the good things about the movie was the plot with Obi-Wan Kenobi where he goes on an adventure on his own to find the bounty hunter who wanted to kill Padme. He finds Jango Fett in a clone factory, living with his non-biological son (Boba Fett, yay!) and that factory was scary. The big sea of cheap looking Stormtroopers made for a good scene to establish the scale at which things are happening.

Come on guys, Noah wants us to fill the ark. Wait, wrong story. (Lucasfim)

Some scenes deserve special mention because they were pretty good like the one in the beginning where Anakin and Obi-Wan chase after the assassin and Anakin jumps off the pod for lulz. Another good one was the fight in rain between Boba Fett and Obi-Wan and of course the entire climax where Padme, Anakin and Obi-Wan are tied to pillars and served hot for three massive monsters, followed by the fight between the Jedis and Count Dooku’s droids.

This party’s over. (Lucasfilm)

However, what takes the cake was the duel between Yoda and Dooku. Turns out Yoda is badass as hell. That little green dude is a saber-slinger par excellence and only pretends to use the stick to ‘help him walk’. Even Dooku seemed invincible. He disarmed Obi-Wan and Anakin (literally dis-armed, huehuehue) in a matter of seconds and what’s more amazing is that even Yoda could not defeat him.

Were any ‘Forces’ awakened?

Yes, slowly and steadily, I am feeling the Force in me. As we are getting closer to the seventh chapter and as I am watching more and more movies, I feel myself getting excited for all things Star Wars. I am all up for discussions, debates and fights at the workplace and online and played with a colleague’s Darth Maul figure way longer than I would like to reveal. The thing about being a part of the fandom is that it is collective thing. You cannot be in isolation.

One more movie to go and then The Force Awakens!

Next up: What I thought about Revenge of the Sith

Author tweets as @soumya1405.

also read

Penalty of ticketless travel on London tube is Star Wars’ spoilers
Show comments