At the Oscars they say everyone is a winner because it’s the nomination that counts. Well, that’s complete nonsense. Just look at Leonardo DiCaprio’s face every time he loses. That being said, every nominee does receive a pretty phenomenal goody bag and The Daily Beast is reporting that this year’s bounty is worth a whopping $200,000 and contains an assortment of goodies which could only have been put together by an insane person. The bag reportedly contains sex toys, ‘a walking tour of Japan’, a first class trip to Israel, and something that’s being referred to as a ‘vampire breast lift’. More on that later.
The bag for this year’s Academy Awards is put together by a company called Distinctive Assets. Whether or not that is a play on words is unclear, but in a statement they said the bag is, “once again a blend of fabulous, fun and functional items meant to thrill and pamper those who may have everything money can buy but still savour the simple joy of a gift.”
And yes, what do you gift multi-millionaires? Someone must have asked that very question and received ‘vampire breast lift’ as a response. So here’s what Cosmopolitan says that is: “The new secret ‘must have’ in Hollywood is the Vampire Breast Lift procedure which uses blood-derived growth factors to revive rounder cleavage without implants. Women can now also soften implant scars and irregularities (and restore sensation). Using technology used by plastic surgeons for years to help correct post-mastectomy scarring and to heal wounds, the Vampire Breast Lift procedure uses a woman’s own blood to improve appearance.”
The guy behind it also designed something known as the ‘vampire facelift’. And now we know what Jennifer Lawrence will be taking home on Oscar night. Oh, and by the way, it’s interesting to note that this heap of ostentatious bling will only be flung at the wealthiest and most famous of the nominees. The goody-bag applies only to the nominees in the major categories. So when Pato Escala Pierart loses the Best Animated Short Oscar all he’ll be taking home are his sad memories.
Here are some of the other items in the bag:
A 10-day, first-class trip to Israel ($55,000)
A year’s worth of unlimited Audi car rentals from Silvercar ($45,000)
A 15-day walking tour of Japan ($45,000)
3 private training sessions with “celebrity wellness expert” and star of ABC’s My Diet Is Better Than Yours, Jay Cardiello ($1,400)
Ultherapy—a laser skin-tightening procedure courtesy of 740 Park MD ($5,530)
A Lifetime supply of skin creams from Lizora ($31,200)
A Fit Club TV “Ultimate Fitness Package” in a private villa ($6,250)
A Haze Dual V3 Vaporizer valued at $249.99 (Which sounds like something Leonardo DiCaprio added himself on the off chance he loses)
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