Hindu Mahasabha is on to something good.
Couple of days before the festival of love, the right wing organisation announced that couples found celebrating Valentine's Day in public will undergo a prompt Arya Samaj wedding. If you are not Hindu and still in love, you will have to sit through a "shuddhikaran" (purification) ritual. Hindu Mahasabha activists will be keeping their eyes peeled on couples caught with roses in hands and those who sit in corners. If you are found hugging, even god can't help you.
The organisation--which in past was part of such noble ventures like asking Bollywood's Khans to publically profess love to their wives (convert, in case you want to know the MO Hindu Mahasabha suggested)--has turned pro-love, you would say. Well, you would be wrong.
Granted that there is nothing more decent than getting two people married whose parents just won't say yes. Imagine, all they have to do now is to show up at the nearest Hindu Mahasabha office on V-Day, hands tightly clasped and love in their hearts. They can then head home, tell the parents what happened and all's well.
Nobody messes with Hindutva outfits: if they want to marry you off, you stay married. Parents will just have to grin and be part of the family portrait.
Hell, if Hindu Mahasabha throws in the offer of a free honeymoon, most lovers in India will accept there is Santa Claus; albeit one dyed in saffron.
However, that is not the 'real' plan of this outfit. And you learn what it is from this quote of the organisation's Chandra Prakash Kaushik. "Anyone found displaying love on Facebook, Twitter or WhatsApp will be caught hold of. A total of eight teams have already been formed in Delhi to keep a check on social media," Kaushik has warned.
So, someone at Hindu Mahasabha has been bingeing on social media . And what is most profuse on social media? No, not porn, you dirty minds, but husband and wife jokes. They maybe mind-numbing, they maybe borderline boring and at times gag-inducing but they state one thing explicitly: Marriage begins where love ends.
We won't bore you with one here (what is Whatsapp for?) but they tell you quite clearly that if you have a girlfriend, you score, and if you have a wife, well, you have a wife and now deal with her.
After having tried everything else in their arsenal on Valentine's Days--setting V-Day cards on fire, harassing youngsters out on a date, vandalising coffee shops and multiplexes, forcing girls to tie rakhi on boys' wrists etc-- the right wing organisations seem to be changing their gameplan. They have done some brainstorming and come up with this million-dollar plan--if there is one thing that can end PDA, it is shaadi.
So, weddings it is this year. And if this plan does not work, they will come up with something even more bizarre next year. Don't you think it is our public duty that we go and tell these keepers of our moral fibre that Valentine's Day stopped being cool many years ago? But hey, that will suck out whatever fun is left in V-Day. We are already taking bets on what they will do next year. Any takers?