I am in final year of college and recently we had two companies visit our campus for recruitment. Unfortunately, I could not get through any of them while my girlfriend has got through one. We are expected to have more companies recruit from our campus in some time. However, I am finding it difficult to get past this phase. I am disturbed and upset that I haven’t got a job yet and I am disinterested generally. I am also not able to give my 100% to our relationship though my girlfriend is very understanding and does not intend to celebrate till I also get a job. Please help me manage my feelings.
-6/25/2014 3:41:00 PM
Campus placement is seen more as a sign of achievement for young kids today and, sadly, this is causing a lot of stress and tension. This can be because of a lot of things such as early financial independence being seen as a priority. Plenty of things are at stake here — girlfriend getting a job, social pressure, achievement of friends, parental pressure, etc, and all this is bound to add to your pressure. As every company has its own criteria on the basis of which they choose a candidate, selection becomes highly unpredictable.
Take guidance from your seniors or teachers about how you should perform at the interview. Learn the tricks to present yourself and your abilities. Work on your communication skills — verbal and non-verbal such as hand movements, posture, facial expression as all these do matter while presenting yourself. Identify your positive and negative points with relation to your personality and academics. Don’t see this period as a difficult time; utilise it by working on your weaker areas.
Instead of applying for every company that comes your way, be selective and choose only those companies that are in line with your career goals.
It is not possible to get selected at every interview you attend and the more rejection you face on this front, the more disappointed you will be. Also your criteria should include how working in that particular environment would be an add-on for your future.
Always be a learner and make sure you are able to convince your seniors that you are ready to learn at every stage from everyone.
Have confidence in yourself as this is a great way of letting the person understand that you have the ability to take command of things. Be more disciplined and follow a daily schedule. Be up-to-date with news and information and also remember to go out every now and then to rejuvenate your mind and body.
As far as your relationship is concerned, it seems that your girlfriend is quite understanding and empathetic with the present situation. Take it positively instead of seeing it negatively and see her as a pillar of support. Take help from her with reference to preparing for your interview process and lastly remember, it is just a matter of time so be patient and strong.
I am sure you would do well. Best of luck! -----Jitendra Nagpal
I have a 19-year-old daughter who is in her first year of college in DU. She has always been a bright student. However, these days she is obsessed with her looks. She is always watching videos to enhance her hairstyle, looks and getting make-up tips. She does not study at all. She always wants to look her best even when she is relaxing at home. She is influenced by the flawless looks of women in movies, or TV serials and tries to imitate them. But, I think this will harm her future as a lot of time is wasted. While talking to her, I discovered that her peers discuss these issues and are of the opinion that looks are everything, no matter how good you are at studies. Please guide me on how to deal with this
situation. -- Helpless
-6/18/2014 1:39:00 PM
The first few years in college can be difficult as youngsters need time to adjust especially since they are faced with a situation wherein there are no specific boundaries. Authorities no longer spoonfeed them and they are given freedom to choose from a wide array of hobbies and interests; however, they definitely need some guidance.
The child has just moved from being an adolescent to being a young adult where she feels the need to take her own decisions. As college is a place where they meet different sets of people from diverse backgrounds and aspirations, it is important that young adults learn ways to prioritise their life and also choose friends wisely.
I would say that it is not about looks, it is about being presentable in today’s world. While watching various beauty pageants, we tend to focus more on the contestants’ physical appearance than their intellect. You might start by talking to her about what her aim in life is, how she views herself in the near future, or where she would like to be in the next few years. Accordingly, you might also want to talk to her about how she plans to work on her goals. Express your desire to help her in achieving her dreams. This way, she would see you as a friend and a bond of trust would be formed -- which is very important for a young adult.
You may also want to discuss how you feel about her being more concerned about her appearance. Guide her about how to balance both her looks and her academics and not waste her time on things that will not be helpful in the long run.
You could guide her about how it is part of the job for celebrities to look good, while for her, there are more important things to focus on, such as working towards a successful career path.
Be more empathetic to her and tell her that while you understand how important it is at your age to look good, it is more important to understand that looking good is not a priority.
Be patient and more understanding as children her age are going through a phase when they are still trying to figure out which direction to take. This is only a phase in her life and it will pass. Be her guide and friend, but do not be pushy. Best of luck! -- Jitendra Nagpal
I am an 18-year-old girl from Delhi and I have just cleared my Board exams. Of late I have been feeling quite irritable and cranky due to the fact that I am constantly compared with my brother who is better than me in studies. My parents scold me often, too, as a result of which I have started getting severe headaches. How do I cope with such comparisons and plan my career without letting all this affect me?
-6/11/2014 2:19:00 PM
Comparisons with siblings are a common yet distressing issue with children from all age groups. The journey into adulthood can be especially difficult. The stress you are undergoing has started to take a toll on your body, resulting in headaches and irritability. Remember that your mind and body are interconnected. If your mind is not healthy, your body will never be. You seem to have developed a sense of inadequacy and frustration at being compared and scolded. You need to realise that every individual is unique in his or her own way. You may have your own talents which need to be channelised in the right direction. Marks do not mean anything.
Learn to identify your own strong points and build on them. Stop focusing on your weaknesses. Also remember that there is no harm in learning; you can always inculcate the positive qualities that you see in your brother. Nourish your hobbies and keep your individuality intact. Instead of thinking that you are being tortured, try to think that your parents want your improvement and welfare too. It is also important to communicate with your parents and your elder brother. Express your anguish and need for love and approval without blaming them or being rude. Talk to a friend to share your feelings. Keep in mind that there will be many people in life who will try to pull you down but you should always have faith in your capabilities. Learn stress management and take professional help if needed. ---- Jitendra Nagpal