For all those who are still wondering what the Vyapam scam is all about, Sandipan Sharma puts together a reader’s guide to the mother of all scandals. Here is the A to Z of PEB to help you read the lines and what’s hidden between them:
A for All the King’s men and women who cheated All the Mama’s nephews and nieces. After their great fall into the STF net, nobody knows if the King’s reputation could be put together again.
B for the Bechari whose name gets dragged into every scandal. Come on, all you MCPs, there is nothing more Dumb and dumper than attacking a woman without evidence.
C for the Congress that didn’t know for years what was going on in the state. Or, is this a case of everybody taking a dip in the proverbial behti Ganga?
D for all the Doctors who bribed their way into the system. Next time you go to a hospital, remember this: An owl is sitting on every branch, what will be the fate of patients (anjaam-e-mareez kya hoga)?
E for the Excel sheets that the crooks maintained for managing their accounts. But for their records, the cops would have been micro soft on criminals.
F for everybody’s favourite four-letter word. Because that is what everybody in the corridors of PEB did to the youth of this state.
G for Gondia, the town that is rumoured to have so many bright youngsters that almost all of them are now transport officers in their prodigal son-in-law’s state. But can somebody find even one?
H for all the Hajuriyas (all those who kept saying yes sir to the Bhaisahabs who ran the scam) and the Khajuriyas (some of the Behenjis who fought elections from Khajuraho) whose names are now on the STF list.
I for I will file a defamation suit. I for I stand by my allegations. Interesting! I for It happen only in India. 100 mein 99 beimaan, phir bhi mera Bharat full of Swabhiman.
J for Judge Dread that’s making cops run after the criminals. The Congress doesn’t agree, though. Its favourite alphabets still are CB and I. Hello! The parrot flew over your party’s nest on May 16.
K for KK Mishra, the Congress spokesperson. His attack on the ruling class indicates that not every beard has a twig. But does every beard hide a mole? (For more on beards, jump to Q.)
L for the pujari of Laxmi, who got Lured by the Lust for Lucre. He is now the theme of the Lilting melody that is making many thugs dance: Laxmi kan’t sing, saala! Why? Go to T.
M for money, the universal currency that can buy corrupt politicians. Their price keeps going up, but the value remains stagnant: do kauri!
N for the Neologism: Behind every successful politician there is a scandal just as behind every political scandal there is a successful woman.
O for the Oxymoronic statement: “There is no need to hang our heads in shame.” Shame and politics?
P for the Pimps in PEB. Now figure this: If the P in PEB is for pimps, what does B stand for?
Q for the Question on every Congressman’s lips: Daadhi ko pakad liya, ab saari ko kab pakdenge? Keep dreaming.
R for Rate, as in ‘Bhaisahab, I have a 12th pass daughter who wants a stethoscope. Chiki is getting desperate. What is the rate?’
S for all the Sharmas, Secretaries and the other Ss who got caught. Is that why the Congress fed gulab jamuns to donkeys on Sunday?
T for the Tweedledee and Tweedledum that Sharmas Sudhir and Laxmi have become:
Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Went up the Shyamla Hill
For Tweedledum &Tweedledee
Had many beans to spill
But Tweedledum &Tweedledee
Were offered a great deal
So, Twiddledee & Twiddledum
Now have on their lips a seal
U for the Universal Uncle girls and boys arrested by STF remembered with great fondness in court. Haven’t they heard the Punjabi phrase ‘Mama bana diya?’
V for Vidhu Vinod Chopra who inspired the highest-grossing sequel to his famous series: Munnabhai Chale Madhya Pradesh. But why is Munni getting badnam in the press?
W for We the people who pay for the sin of voting in every election.
XYZ for all the nameless, faceless xyz like us who are looted and cheated by those writing the real alphabet of our destiny.