I wanted to marry someone but I ended up marrying someone else. It’s been six years and the original someone still haunts me.
Munish Saha, via email
Unless the original someone is dead, ditch this second someone, i.e wife dearest, and go back to the first love. But you will never do what I say, so cheer up. Think of all the money you’re saving by not having to pay your wife alimony.
I hate a girl. She thinks we’re friends. I ignore her calls, but she keeps trying to talk to me. When I do talk though, she does not listen to a word I say.
Dorika Dutta, via email
True love can be tricky. Get a room and take it from there. Chances are you’ll get married and have the same issues 30 years from now.
My neighbour steals my mail. I can feel it in my bones. I suspect he’s even peeling off the stamps for his own use. Maybe to eat.
Chettan Parikh, via air mail
Get a rottweiler and train him to recognise the odour of glue. Once he knows the smell of your neighbour’s ankles, all hell is likely to break loose. Simply unleash Bruno the next time your postman visits. The case of the missing letters would be solved and the fiasco might result in a case for email.
I am a chartered accountant. Can you please help me secure myself a respected girlfriend. Please?
Rohan Gupta, via email
Rapidex English speaking course, together with marathon sessions of American sitcoms are crucial for your social acceptance. You’ll have to drop the neckties and ledger talk. But with a makeover and personality overhaul, there should be a bevy of average-looking secretary-types who would want to to reside in your hitherto vacant heart.
I lose interest in boys easily. My current boyfriend loves me. I like him too. But I’m restless and crave for a change. Also, I want to settle down. But with my nature, I find it difficult.
Amina Kaur, via email
You didn’t say how old you were. At 16, you’re excused. You’re smart, even. In your early 20s, it’s still cool. You’re allowed to sow your wild oats. If you’re much older though, quit leading babies up the garden path. It’s wrong. And immoral. And a waste of time. You and I both know that it’s just the matter of a black Santro-driving Surd to enter your life and sweep you off your feet with Jugni playing in the backdrop. Ha ha!
My shameless father is having an affair. Shall I tell my mother? I’m in two minds as she has high BP.
Karam Juneja, via email
Don’t be an idiot. You’re distraught and not thinking clearly. No point ruining it for your mother as well. Be a good son. You need support. Think blank cheques. Demand them. Daddy-O will sign any bit of paper to cover his ‘shameless’ tracks.