Anti aunty | india | Hindustan Times
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Anti aunty

india Updated: Feb 08, 2009 14:26 IST

I live in a small town. I like a girl. But she lives in Chandigarh. When we met for the first time, she was interested in me but I ignored her. This was two-and-a-half years back. Since then, I’ve begun to like her. I’m even friends with her on Orkut, but her relationship status says she loves someone else. How can I get her back?

VS, via email

Dear VS, stop by a library in your small town and pick up a pamphlet of a book called Love Story. A sad little tale set in a university campus (as opposed to your hang-up with small towns), the author unleashes a line onto readers which says, “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.” It’s cheesy. As are red hearts. So while the idea isn’t to make you feel worse, at least neither of you is dead.

Chopsticks are going to be the death of me. I can’t ever have a meal at a Chinese place because they skid off my fingers and I end with noodles on my lap. To make things worse, my girlfriend has the most delicate table manners. It’s becoming embarrassing.

Kartik Singh, via email

You have options galore, boy. Find a friend who can twirl a noodle and take lessons in table manners from him. Another way out is to exaggerate your clumsiness. A certain breed of women find goofiness endearing. Or you could ditch all that, be true to your butter chicken and devour the grub with your fingers. Wear a bib, though. If you want to be stubborn and still eat at a Chinese joint, eat springrolls, pick up the damn fork or simpler still, just stick to soup.

I like my brother-in-law’s brother. He gazes and smiles at me but we have never talked to each other as we rarely meet. I want to talk to him but don’t know how.

Devaki, via email

If only gazing and smiling was foundation enough to build a relationship on. Get all your ice-breaker ideas watching Sooraj Barjatiya flicks. After all, Hum Aapke Hain Kaun?

I am in a live-in relationship with my girlfriend. We both are happy but she dominates me and makes me do all household chores. I have to wash her clothes, clean her sandals, apply her nail polish, massage her feet while she enjoys TV on the couch. In a way she has made me her total slave. Help!

Gaurav Singh, via email

Compliments to the trainer for keeping you on such a short leash. But you can hardly complain. Steadily approaching a breakdown as you might be — and you poor thing for that — there have be be enough benefits that you as a hot blooded man are reaping in turn for being her toe-painting slave.