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Ask the Expert: Feel shy

india Updated: Jul 08, 2006 14:52 IST

PTI
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Our expert, clinical psychologist Seema Sharma, answers your queries - from relationship problems to pressures in school and colleges, complexes that you might develop or battling peer pressure and the intense competition - reach out to our expert.

I am a very shy boy. How do I overcome my shyness? I recently joined an Intermediate swimming class for teenage boys. To my shock our coach was a female. I felt really embarrassed and shy to stand in front of her wearing only my swimming trunks. Other boys too had this problem, but they soon overcame it in 2 or 3 days.

But even after 2 weeks I am still feeling the same. Otherwise, she is a very good coach, better than the men coaches that I had trained under before. Not only that, she also understands us boys better and loves and cares for us, unlike the male coaches.

Her love has won other boys over and they are no longer uncomfortable with her. In fact she is now very popular with all boys. But I am still feeling embarrassed whenever she looks at me. I feel as if though a woman is seeing me only in my swim wear and this makes me uncomfortable. How can I overcome these feelings and see her as a coach rather than a woman. I want to continue training under her, as she is a very good coach. Please help me. 
 
Sex: Male

Today’s youth is different from their earlier counterparts. They are better informed, they are more decisive, they are more adventurist and they are rather impatient lot. For them life runs a bit fast. And they have to match the speed somehow. It works very well for some areas of our functioning and existence, as it befits it.

The other areas of our functioning e.g. relationship building and its sustenance require a patient, careful, nurturing and supportive attitudes and behaviors from both sides. Into which the youngsters still need to polish their skills properly. Impatience in establishing a relationship and impatience in calling it off is no more considered a matter of much hulla.
It is simply understood in terms that ‘we didn’t get along.  No issues’.

Each unit involved in the dynamics of relationship knows the degree of intolerance to difference and frustration in each other and hence a fear. The insecurity arises as there is this constant knowledge that falling apart is no big deal, it can happen anytime because of any reason.

Youngsters also become apprehensive as they see the relationships made into mockery, every now and then, around them. The general environment reflects that all can decide whatever they want to decide. This has given rise to quick and unidirectional decisions.

This status is disastrous in the domain of relationships. We must always remember that if the option of walking out is one of the first choices in life then most of us would not hesitate in opting for it, paving way for an insecure and apprehensive world. 

Send your queries to vijayasharma @hindustantimes.com

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