Be cruel to be kind: Cyrus Broacha | india | Hindustan Times
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Be cruel to be kind: Cyrus Broacha

india Updated: Nov 05, 2012 15:05 IST
Cyrus Broacha
Cyrus Broacha
Hindustan Times
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I am 18 and I like a girl who is a year younger than me. We both are in the same class. She is very cute, and I keep staring at her all the time. She also looks back at me. Recently I gave her a book, which she first accepted and then returned claiming she doesn’t like books. I really love her and want her to be mine. Please help.
— AM

Okay AM, in many cultures people who stare incessantly are quartered drawn and shot. You’re in India, so I’ll have to allow the staring. Now returning the book could be for many reasons, such as a) the book smells, b) you smell, c) the book smells worse than you. Don’t worry about this exchange. If she stares back at you, and I mean, really stares back at you, then I think you’re doing all right, so keep at it.

I am a 15-year-old girl and I came to know from my classmates that two boys like me. Recently, I started liking one of them but I don’t want to lose the other because of that. On the other hand, I don’t think they know that they like the same girl. Please help.
—The One

The One, your’s is a simple problem of choice. This is just a question of maths. You have two, choose one. Let’s put it in perspective. My direct ancestor Shreeram Jalaluddin, popularly known as Akbar The Great, had 917 concubines and almost half a dozen queens. Keep in mind those were the days when queens were all women. Now he had a rea’ mathematical dilemma. Too many women, too little time. No wonder he got tired so easily. Forget about feelings here. You need to be cruel to be kind, choose one and let them both know. If they both value your friendship, they’ll be okay. And thank God you’re not Jalaluddin.

I am 18 and I like a girl in my class. She likes me as well, and we both are serious about each other. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship because she knows that her parents won’t allow us to get married. Please help me make her understand.
— Rohit Nambiar

Rohit, at an age when you have just been given the right to vote, you have no business getting married. As Victor Hugo never told me, "one disaster at a time please". Don’t even think of marriage till you have cast your vote at a general election at least twice. By the time you do this it will probably be 2019 or the British would have returned, whichever is sooner. That gives you time to work on her parents slowly and steadily. Prepare for setbacks and keep your cool. Slow and steady is the key. After all, that’s how the tortoise finally got married.

I am in big trouble. I like a girl but two of my friends have already asked her out. I like her, but the problem is that she had tied me a rakhi a few years ago. I have told her that I don’t consider her a sister. She also has a steady boyfriend who is older than both of us. Should I go on and tell her that I like her?
— Bear Wood

Bear Wood, as your lawyer, I don’t understand one thing? Why did you let her tie the rakhi in the first place? Were you drugged? Sleeping? In a coma maybe? She’s got a boyfriend, and plenty of other suitors and you are the one guy who she has converted into a sibling? You really haven’t brought your A game to your romance. Okay you have to be frank with her. You have nothing to lose. You’re already the brother. Take your chance if you must, but my experience tells me that when a girl ties you a rakhi, your chances of being her lover in future are less than 3 per cent.

Just write to uncle cy: cyrus@hindustantimes.com
And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I'm not doing a headstand at the time.

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