Unlike Robert Fulghum, I didn't learn all I wanted to know in kindergarten. But I have come to realise, in my ripe adulthood that the 13 commandments I ever needed, I learnt from cats. Here they are:
People who love you the most are the ones that let you be. There is such a thing as too much affection. It's called claustrophobia.
The louder you are, and the more you wield power, the less you actually have it. Ever seen a cat make a fool of itself for no reason?
There is nothing more underrated than discretion. Notice how cats never get caught doing things they are not supposed to do?
Bigger is not necessarily better. There's more dignity in holding your head high and talking up to people than talking down to them.
When in doubt, sleep. The art of doing nothing is hugely underestimated. If all of us just knew how to do nothing, and look good while doing so, we'll be happier people.
Conversation is largely a waste of time. Most people talk because they are uncomfortable with silences, not because they have something useful to say. Have you noticed how the most obnoxious person at work is always talking?
Ignorance is bliss. What doesn't happen to you doesn't concern you, and is definitely not worth poking your nose into. The world is better off without you sorting their problems.
Sex appeal, humour, intelligence and charm are always intimidating to most people, because it's what they lack the most. If they have one, they don't have the other, so they are constantly works-in-progress. If you have it, flaunt it.
If you want a good body, work for it. Have you notice how many stretches a cat does on an average day?
There are two kinds of people in this world - those who work bloody hard and never get noticed, and those who simply get the work done and earn brownie points. Still figuring out what you want to be?
Ass-licking, networking, schmoozing is a waste of time. When you are good, people usually know it. At least the people who matter do. The rest can take a walk.
The best company you will ever have is yourself. Nothing else can match up to that.
Always stay groomed. You never know who you will run into and when. That doorbell ringing could be a hottie. Then you can't say, "Let me put my face on and come back."