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Chick Flick

india Updated: Jun 13, 2011 11:11 IST
Gursimran Khamba
Gursimran Khamba
Hindustan Times
Highlight Story

Make peace with your being ugly, lack of personality and keep telling yourself that your inner beauty is what counts and there is no shame in meeting people off the internet. Even Meg Ryan did it.

Make peace with the fact that most women you meet off Twitter will not be hot because hot women have better things to do in life than be on Twitter and talking to unimportant strangers.

Only talk to women who give out their full name in the profile. Cross-check with a Facebook search to ensure the person is real and the account is not being run by a man to trick you into sending pictures of your man bits through Direct Messages and later harass you for money.

Stick to women who only joined Twitter because someone told them it was cool and don't know why they're on it. They can be easily located as they have a skewed following to followers ratio (half the number of followers than following, both less than 200) and only consistently talk to 4-5 people who are invariably they're only friends in real life.

Avoid women who are there for personal branding, employment purposes or stalking Bollywood celebrities or even remotely popular as they will already have four more like you trying to get into their pants like the cute girl in high school that had brothers in every section.

Always double click on the display picture to see the original uploaded image. This is because the journey from a small to large display picture is often from "Wow, how pretty!" to "OMFG WHAT IS GROWING OUT OF YOUR NECK?!" Also, if the uploaded image is the same thumbnail, she is too social media savvy for your tricks to work.

Upload a pensive looking, black and white side profile display picture on your profile while adding terms like "Wanderlust" and "Globetrekker" in your bio. This will differentiate you from everyone else on Twitter which makes you believe the world has nothing but foodies, social media experts, photographers and bloggers.

For making conversation on Twitter and the crucial conversation to Gtalk and phone numbers, come back next week for Part 2.

Gursimran Khamba is a pissed off writer, stand up comic, podcaster, social media junkie and lover of all fried foods. Except bananas. Follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/#!/gkhamba