You may think some of these sound crazy - that’s going strong...
1. Barack Obama is gay.
The evidence: Obama hasn’t spoken out in favor of gay marriage or ending Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. But we all know he’s really for them, so why won’t he say so? Obviously, he’s afraid that if he does, we’ll figure out it’s because he’s gay.
2. Barack Obama is Jewish.
The evidence: Most damningly, he’s never denied it. And his father wouldn’t touch pork. On top of that, Obama had a White House seder and has been photographed shaking hands with the prime minister of Israel.
3. Barack Obama has a fatal illness.
The evidence: The way he threw the ball in that first-pitch ceremony at the All-Star Game. It barely reached the plate yet Obama is only 48 years old and is known to be athletic. In fact, he is shockingly weak. Only one conclusion may be drawn.
4. Barack Obama killed Michael Jackson.
The evidence: Michael was about to begin a comeback tour. Obama couldn’t take the chance that Michael might regain his old magic and threaten Obama’s status as the most popular and famous black man alive.
5. Barack Obama is having a secret affair.
The evidence: Aren’t they all?
6. Barack Obama is a zombie.
The evidence: Congressmen who talk to the media after meeting with Obama often appear to have no brains.
7. Barack Obama is undergoing surgery to become a woman.
The evidence: Actually, there is none yet but I’m sure something will turn up soon.
8. Barack Obama can’t read or write.
The evidence: Where are the scores from his high-school SATs? They would prove his literacy but he’s never made them public. There’s a reason for that.
9. Barack Obama isn’t really tall but uses stilts.
The evidence: I can’t remember ever seeing a photo that showed his body below the knees and if I did, it must have been photoshopped.
10. Barack Obama is an evil wizard who has the ability to hypnotize millions of people and force them to do his bidding. The evidence: How else could he have become president when he’s not even a US citizen?
11. Barack Obama is a great scaly purple flying wombat from the planet Enjelmia in the Pyron Galaxy.
The evidence: I have documents proving this beyond any doubt but if I show them to anyone I will be assassinated.