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Discovered love outside marriage!

india Updated: Dec 08, 2006 19:39 IST

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Discovered love outside marriage!

1.
I am a 33-year-old married woman. Recently I met a very sensitive and sensible IPS Officer of 33, who is also married and has a kid. We met at a common friend's place for an hour and now he has gone to another city. Ever since then (from last 3 months) we've been communicating with each other over phone or through SMSs. He confessed that he fell for me at the very first meeting. Gradually, I also fell in love with him. Our relationship is a very painful one as we are aware of our commitments towards our families. We don't even know when we'll meet next. Do you think I should stop this merry-go-round here itself because it is driving me crazy as mentally we are never away from each other and all this is affecting so many other things. I need help.

Shefali

'Should I do what my guy says?'

2.
I am studying in the 12th grade. I have been friends with a boy for around three months now. Few weeks after our first meeting we got physical. A week ago, he called me over to his house and after reaching there I found that we both were alone! It did not bother me, as he is a nice guy. We played some computer games in his bedroom and then watched TV. Playfully he kissed me on my cheek and I did the same. I got carried away and we ended up making love. I felt depressed thereafter but his assurance that it is culmination of our love made me feel a little better. Now, he is forcing me to submit to his wishes whenever he wants. I feel trapped and don't know what to do. I am very scared of my parents. What is the way out? Please advise.

Maria

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'I like her, but call her sister'

1.
I am 22. I like a girl who is a little elder to me. I know her since childhood through some family friends. But I had to call her sister due to family pressure. I love her very much, but she is not aware of my feelings. I wish to marry her. I spend time with her daily even though I do not have any physical relation with her. I can't think of ruining her life. How can I convince her about my love?

Nihar

Reply From Dr. Prem Lata Chawla:
The root cause of your dilemma is that you do not have the courage to express your feelings. The possibility of your getting married to her arises only after her approval. The only way to know her opinion about this marriage is by talking to her. Let her know your true feelings. Let her know that all that sister stuff was for the consumption of the family. Since you love her so much you will have to take her 'no' as the final answer and get along with your life. Remember that you did no favour to her by not having physical relationship with her. She never allowed you to come near her.

 

'Stuck between parents and wife'

2.
I have been married for two years now. But unfortunately my wife and mom do not get along well. I am badly stuck between my parents and life partner. I can't afford to leave either of them! What should I do?

Dashrath Prajapati

Reply From Dr. Prem Lata Chawla:
There is nothing new about the problem you are facing. Men are as much victims of joint family system as are women. Joint family system runs best when there is a dominant male as head of the family and submissive females. In your case the females do not seem to be submissive so you will have to become extra dominant for your parents and your wife to live together. You better stop being a goody-goody son and a goody-goody husband and make your wife and your mother understand their respective positions in your life and in the general hierarchy of the household. You must demand that they make peace with each other. Remember, no body s going to give you medals for being too good.

 


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