Would you talk to your ex if you ever bumped into him? Rihanna would not. While she may have relaxed her five-year restraining order against ex-boyfriend Chris Brown, to ease up things for him professionally, the singer reportedly says she is never going to exchange a word with him. And that’s exactly how you should save yourself from the trauma of reliving a painful experience, say experts.
“A bad romantic past hurts your self-esteem. The painful memories are revived when you come across that person or even hear his voice,” says psychiatrist Dr Avdesh Sharma. Even if the relationship didn’t see a tragic end, a lot of people avoid with their exes fearing a relapse. “My ex tried chatting up with me at a party, after two years of breaking up. I didn’t want to get fooled into thinking that we could be great buddies. Any one of us could have got carried away. It could have ruined my present. There’s no point walking on the edge,” says 25-year-old software professional Ayesha Kochhar.
So, if the idea of bumping into your ex revolts you, there’s nothing uncool about it. Dr Kamal Khurana, relationship counsellor says, “When two people part ways, their brains are 50 % predisposed to restart the relationship again.” So, it could be the sight of your ex, his touch or his voice that can trigger off memories of times spent together which can make you fall back into the relationship.
“Every time you meet your ex, the chances of slipping back into your past increase. Connecting with your ex can also seep in insecurities in your current partner’s mind,” says Dr Khurana.
So, what about those who swear being great pals with their ex? “I don’t buy this. Sooner or later, they would be drawn into confusion, angst and pain. Also,
a lot of effort will go into stopping themselves from falling back into the relationship,” says the psychiatrist.
When you bump into your ex...
Analyse what your present partner would undergo when you meet your ex. Any slip from your side can spell havoc into your present relationship and give
your ex a hint that he still matters.
Don’t show any anger or hatred towards your ex. Give due respect without crossing your boundaries. Your behaviour must ensure that you’ve gotten over your ex.
There’s no need for you to ask how his work is going on, or say that it’s nice to see him, even if you are just being polite.
If your ex says hi, and you find it rude not to answer, keep your response brief. Don’t give your ex a chance to throw any awkward question or utter something that hints on the kind of intimacy you two shared.