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Fab, fad, fat or fugly?

There are so many blogs that satire the attire of celebs and their wannabe cousins that it would be a serious mistake not to give in to the fuzz, writes Jhoomur Bose.

india Updated: Aug 06, 2008 21:38 IST

There are some things in life that are great equalisers and show how despite colour, caste and creed, humans are pretty much the same the world over. Having a television camera shoved in your face is one such equaliser. It makes people say stupid things.

Like the Los Angeles police commissioner who was on a roll — happens when you put both your feet in your mouth — when speaking to KNBC-TV recently. When asked if the paparazzi was a problem in LA, police chief William Bratton helpfully added, “...since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving; Paris is out of town not bothering anybody anymore, thank God, and evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don’t seem to have much of an issue.” Er, right, except that Miss Lohan has an issue with the police making comments on people’s personal lives and all that.

Unfortunately for Miss Lohan and Like, life only gets more complicated. If the press, paparazzi and Mr Blackwell (of People magazine’s Worst Dressed list fame) were not enough, the blogosphere has now unleashed the glamournazi on them. The bloggers who follow celebrity fashion and are adept at deconstructing celeb attires — even those who write on them —thread by thread.

Mrs Tom Cruise, aka actress Katie Holmes — lovingly referred to as ‘Tommy Girl’ — and fashion columnist/presenter Steve ‘Cojo’ Cojoruco (E! Entertainment) are the leading slam-icons with the Dark Knight actress Maggie Gyllenhaal, coming a close second. Pop Hangover (http://pophangover.com) declare themselves to be ‘pop culture satire with a vengeance’ and often list things and people in their ‘Suck Files’. Despite questionable satire and too-evident vengeance, at least Pop Hangover is honest: “...the straw man in the Wizard of Oz had nicer hair than Cojo.” Truth hurts.

Despite the subtlety-overkill, the glamournazi have a knack for coining new terms. Like D Listed (www.dlisted.com/) that labels the Angelina Jolie-Brad-Pitt twin-hype as ‘Brangeloonism’. The site garners its hit-counts from stating the obvious: “They look like babies. Seriously, just babies. I ran home from the bar for this?” But then, if People (allegedly) paid $ 15 million for the twin-shots, why blame the bloggers?

The cake for mastering anonymous bitchiness though goes to the writer(s) at Go Fug Yourself (gofugyou-rself.com), who have declared that ‘fugly is the new pretty’. Fugly by the way, means very ugly.

Take them as authorities on what celebs should be wearing or see them as jealous, disgruntled writers, the glamournazi are sure ‘gruntling’ many even as they point to the efficacy of underwired bras to Gyllenhaal, “Fear gravity girl, for it does not fear you.”