China’s territorial ambitions go land in hand with its desire to unsettle us. The news that the dragon has offered its services to internet mapping services is sure to get our knickers in a twist since it might lead to Arunachal Pradesh being depicted as southern Tibet. Kashmir may be shown as a disputed area. Here we must learn valuable lessons from our old foe Pakistan. It has handed over control of Gilgit to Beijing before anyone could say chop suey. And if the Red Army proceeds in its march of a 1,000 miles, it might well end up outside chez Sarah Palin for moose manchurian.
What we should do instead of worrying about whether we will find a Red under our bed is to hop across to Nathu La Pass with a gilded invitation to the communist commissars inviting them to venture further afield into India. For a start, let them get acclimatised in places where they will be more comfortable like West Bengal and Kerala where the comrades will surely make them feel at home. Now maccher jhol fed to them by Mamata didi may not be the recipe for the army which marches on its stomach, but nothing like a bit of fish plate dislodging in the evenings to break them in. Kerala may pose a different challenge and the foot soldiers may well have to retreat counting their digits as they flee.
We have vast tracts of land where people claim direct descent from Chairman Mao and this surely will be enough to break the ice. But have no fear, if nothing else, food could be a cementing factor. Our native innovations like chicken tikka chow mein will show them how much we value neighbourly relations over some footling pieces of land. A visit to Mumbai could show the Chinese lads a novel domicile policy called ‘sons of the spoils’. All these will be useful when they go on home visits. So, what is Beijing waiting for? We certainly won’t be caught mapping when they come to take us over.