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Goodyness gracious

india Updated: Aug 17, 2008 21:53 IST

Aren’t you excited? We are in for some fireworks on the Bigg Boss Season 2 show being hosted by reality show champion Shilpa Shetty. She has managed to bag former tormentor-in-chief Jade Goody to be in her show.

Hmm, not really. That Goody woman has transformed herself from someone who called Shilpa ‘Poppadum’ on British reality show Big Brother into a Goody two-shoes after. How totally boring.

After the mental agony that Shilpa went through then, how can you want to see the fur flying here?
It would be nice to give it back to that virago Goody for disparaging Indian culture’s principal representative Shilpa Shetty. I say, bring Goody on and we’ll show her what a poppadom is all about. By the way, what’s that you are eating there?

It’s a brand of papad called ‘S2’ marketed by Shilpa Shetty. The proceeds will go to destitute children. Isn’t that wonderfully noble of the poor dear?

Yes, those children have a greater chance of seeing a snowball in Navi Mumbai than the fetching Ms Shetty part with a paise of the loot. But her generosity is catching. The frump Goody also claims she’s given her former winnings to poor children. I smell a new battle here.

Clearly, you are no fan of these reality shows, especially those that are clean and with a higher purpose. You want to see blood on the floor, don’t you?

What else would I want when one of the participants is a certain Jhanvi Kapoor who threatened to kill herself when a certain Abhishek married a certain Aishwarya. That’s the kind of unhinged participants we need. Not do-Goody-ers.

So you probably want to kick off with a few well-aimed verbal kicks to Goody, preferably about her dietary habits or vulgar accent.

Now you’re talking. We could start off by discussing her portly figure, then go on to her class origins, rub it in about
how she got kicked out on the Big Brother show.... I could go on.

You will have your pound of flesh, won’t you?

Well, with Goody on the show, there’s lots of it going around.

Don’t say: What a Baddy this Goody.

Do say: Forget poppadom. Apam anyone?