Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh... Hey, good boys and girls, you’ve heard the news then? Santa Claus may be singing a different tune soon, but these lyrics won’t change. Swedish logistics experts have told him that for a more efficient management of his business excursions and speedier access to the new global kids, India and China, a Pole vault to the central Asian country of Kyrgyzstan will be necessary.
Oh, poor, poor Rudolph. Is that why the poor reindeer went all red-nosed so early in the season? Someone must have told him about the world-famous racing horses of Kyrgyzstan. Sniff. No wonder St Nicholas is such a jolly old fellow these days.
Well, one can only pray that some saintly soul will come to Rudolph’s rescue in the nick of time.
But moving on, these experts advising Mr Claus to shift his headquarters and production centre from the North Pole have certainly done their research well. For one, they’ve taken care to make sure he’ll feel right at home in Kyrgyzstan. It’s apparently one of the largest glaciated regions of the world. That, at least, would be of some cold comfort if he starts to miss the North Pole. In any case, in keeping with his expanding business, the rising temperatures elsewhere in the country may even get Mr Claus to start off a whole new range of summer wear.
Kyrgyzstan could really prove to be the golden goose. And we’re not just talking of the gold, among other minerals, that the country is rich in. This, boys and girls of the world, is the best part. If you’ve been good, really really good, Santa could enrich you with some uranium too. Kyrgyzstan is full of it. Oh, those experts are good, real good. Ho, ho, ho...