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‘I can face my mother now’

india Updated: Jul 03, 2009 02:38 IST

I discovered that I was attracted to boys, not girls, when I was in Class 9. But it took me a long time to come to accept this.

By the time I was in the second year of engineering, I could not bear it anymore. I was very depressed and even thought of ending my life. My grades began to fall.

I had to share it with someone. I was very close to my father, so I told him. He was shocked. He took me to a psychiatrist, who gave me anti-depressant pills.

Over the years, I have tried to talk to Dad many times. I asked him why I don’t have the right to find love. He simply avoids the questions and says that society does not accept this. I think he still hopes I will marry a girl.

I have never been able to muster the courage to talk to my mother. She caught me surfing gay sites once. She was furious.

But the Delhi High Court ruling has given me some hope. I can face my mother now. I will try to talk to her about my homosexuality soon.

I also want to start being myself. Until now, I was pretending to be someone I am not. Some of my friends keep pestering me to find a girlfriend. I have to keep making excuses and also try to be part of their conversations when they discuss girls. I hope they will start accepting me the way I am.

(As told to Neha Bhayana)