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'I got molested, should I tell lover?'

When I was a child, a family member molested me. Somehow, this matter remained at the back of my head. Then I fell in love with my friend. I feel guilty as he is unaware about my past. What should I do?

india Updated: Sep 19, 2006 14:50 IST

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'I got molested, should I tell lover?'

1.
I am a 22-year-old girl living in Delhi. When I was a child, I had a traumatic experience. A family member molested me for three months at the age of 11. After my parents found out, they did everything to protect me. They showered me with lots of love, got me counselling, had that person cut out from the family. All in all they got me through this unfortunate tragedy to become a nice healthy girl - both physically and mentally. But somehow this matter remained at the back of my head. I was scared of being involved with a guy physically. Then I fell in love with my best friend almost two years back and the two of us have the most beautiful, pure and satisfying relationship. Last week, while we were alone we gave into our passion and made our first physical contact but both of us remained within certain boundaries and did not have sex. The whole experience was fabulous. We plan to get married sometime later but I feel guilty, as he still doesn't know about my past. I am confident that even if I tell him, it would change nothing between us but I just can't take the risk. This man has finally gotten me over my trauma completely. I treasure, cherish and love him too much. What should I do?

Natasha

'I'm married but love someone else'

2.
I have been married for four months. Our wedding got fixed at a time when I was planning to breakup because I realised how different we are - be it priorities or thinking. My husband's been brought up in a small town where as I have always been either in Delhi or Mumbai so there is a major difference in our attitudes. Ours had always been a long distance relationship and we did not stay for more than 10 days together in the same city until we got engaged and that is the time I realised how different our lifestyles are. After marriage, we haven't had sex at all. The other reason for all this is that I had met someone else during our courtship but couldn't breakup my wedding then due family pressure. My husband on the other hand is a really nice guy and I hate to break his heart. But I can't get over the other guy. Also, I am not sure if he would marry me in case I got divorced. I am in a mess! Please suggest a way out.

Geetanjali

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Sex with other guys!

1.
I would like to have sex with two guys who live together. I have never approached them before. How do I go about it? Please help me out.

Stephen

Reply From Dr. Prem Lata Chawla:
First of all, your desires are not natural or should I say not in accordance with the societal norms. Secondly, what if those two men reject what you want from them? You might lose friends in the process. Lastly, where will such a relationship lead to? You need to decide that. Take a call.

 

Is sex life not rocking due to mumps?

2.
I have been married for two years and have a very healthy relationship with my hubby. Few months before we got married, my husband got mumps. We have a baby boy who is a year old. Now the problem is that few days' back, we tried having intercourse but there was no pleasure. Please guide us.

VU

Reply From Dr. Prem Lata Chawla:
The current problem of your husband started as premature ejaculation and progressed to erectile deficiency and this has no relationship with mumps even when mumps happened after childhood. Late age Mumps can cause infertility but you already have a son. Worry comes naturally with problems but the problems need to be addressed, as simple worry is no solution. Your husband should see a doctor preferably a sex specialist for a proper diagnosis and management.

 


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