In love but can't say? Here's the answer | india | Hindustan Times
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In love but can't say? Here's the answer

india Updated: Jul 01, 2006 16:12 IST

Remember Anjali aka Kajol in Karan Johar's directorial debut Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, who was madly in love with her best friend Rahul (Shah Rukh Khan)?

They laughed together, cried together but all through Anjali failed to share her feelings with her object of affection though she kept on repeating "kuch kuch hota hai Rahul par tum nahin samjhoge."

It was love actually, then what made Anjali hold back her emotions? Was it the fear of rejection? Yes, perhaps. Like Amrita, who was in love with her schoolmate Amitesh for almost a decade, ever had the courage to reveal her feelings, thinking that in the process to win his love, she might lose his friendship. Factors behind this fear But what is the cause of this fear? You feel fear of rejection if you attach too much importance to other people and how they feel about you.

This fear is increased by the importance of the other person to you, by your perceived inexpe rience or lack of skill in dealing with the situations. Explains Dr Samir Parikh, psychiatrist, "People who have low self-esteem have fear of rejection as they value the other person more than themselves. It is important to value your own self and believe in yourself."

Dare to care Tackling such a tricky situation is not an easy task. How can you overcome fear of rejection? First and foremost, you need to define yourself, your priorities and your essence in a way that it doesn't depend upon what others think of you. For example, if you are someone whose main goal is to seek happiness for yourself and others, be kind, honest in all your relationships, without worrying about other's reactions towards you.

If you believe in it, your happiness will be in your control, and you will feel much more secure. But if you think that you must be loved and accepted by others, then your happiness will depend on what others think of you, leaving you insecure and unhappy — an unpleasant situation, which is avoidable.

It always helps to know what you want for your own self — happiness or sorrow, and the choice is definitely yours. "The solution obviously is to love oneself, before loving someone else," says Parikh. Last word The bottomline: Take charge and speak it out to avoid Amritalike situation, who never expressed her feelings, and now lives with regret — if and only if she had told him. She blames herself, but it is all in vain — Amitesh is happily married.

So all you people in love, overcome that fear and share your feelings. Sooner, the better.