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Instead of walking out, try to reconnect

india Updated: Aug 11, 2014 10:23 IST
Shweta Sathe
Shweta Sathe
Hindustan Times
HT-MaRS youth survey

Ours is a generation of instant gratification. We've been conditioned to think that we deserve the best simply by the virtue of our existence. We've been taught not to settle, not to sell out, to be go getters and strive for the highest possible goals -- be it in our personal or professional lives. With a plethora of options available to us, we wander in search of perfection, forever in search of the "one." We start developing unrealistic expectations from ourselves. Don't get me wrong, it's good to have goals, and to follow your dreams without having to "settle." But this expectation of a utopian world often makes us irritable with life's messy, imperfect realities.

This same thought process carries forward in our relationships as well. We start developing unrealistic expectations from the people in our lives, comparing them with our perfect ideal. When the person we are with, fails to match up to this distorted perceptions, we feel cheated. The relationship loses its appeal and acquires the aspect of a grim burden. We start thinking of our partner as a dead weight, preventing us from living our lives the way we really want to. But is it right to put the onus of the success or failure of a relationship on one person alone?

We assume that time stands still in the bubble that encloses us and the people we love. But love isn't static. We both grow and are changed by our experiences, shaped by the events that happen in our individual lives. It is irrational to expect any relationship to remain unchanged over the years that you have known each other for. The passion and excitement that defines your initial days will probably fade over a period of time, letting you settle into an easy sense of familiarity and solidarity.

How often do we mistake this familiarity with boredom? And while thinking that we can't relate to the person we are with anymore, do we perhaps risk taking him/her for granted? At the risk of voicing seemingly "archaic" and "conformist" opinions, I personally feel that any relationship needs work. You need to take the effort to stay connected with each other, to take time out of your lives to simply share moments that then become memories that cement your relationship. Basically, it is easy to walk away, to shrug off your responsibility and simply put it down to incompatibility. But this is the same person that once played a huge role in your life and by relegating him/her to the sidelines without giving yourselves a chance to work things out you are devaluing the time you two have spent together.

We tell ourselves that we deserve more, that we deserve to be happy and walk away from what once defined our happiness in search of something better. This "better" though is a mirage, which will keep luring and enticing us with the promise of fulfilment without actually giving us any guarantee. Doesn't it then make sense to instead try to find fulfilment in what we have? Doesn't it make sense to reconnect with the person we are with, to give the relationship the depth it needs to stay relevant in your life?

Full Coverage: HT-MaRS Youth Survey 2014