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Is love all you need? I wish...

india Updated: Apr 03, 2009 19:17 IST
Anoushka Shankar speaks...
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Love has been on my mind recently, because a close girlfriend of mine just went through a break-up. A good break-up by most standards, but a break-up nevertheless, and calling it “good” seems almost callous. They were together many years and loved each other deeply. It wasn’t one of those screaming-fight break-ups, but a calm, loving one, which to me seems almost sadder in its sweetness. At least the anger you’re left with after a fight carries you through a certain amount of pain, but when it’s kind and loving, all you’re left with is beauty.

So how do you come to terms with leaving a relationship, when all you remember is the person you love? We’ve all been there, and yet I find myself unsure of what to tell her. “Time is a great healer,” as anyone sagely reminds us, but until that time has actually passed, does the notion offer any solace? It still hurts, your heart’s still broken, and it’s hard even if you know it’s for the best. She still loves her ex so very much, and I have to say he’s the most wonderful guy. Every now and then she crumbles, and can barely remember why they split in the face of all that love.

And isn’t that a valid question? In some romantic world, isn’t love enough to conquer all? When two people love each other, shouldn’t they be able to face any hurdle, and tackle any problem? I want to believe in that so deeply, and yet sometimes it just doesn’t seem to be enough.

Love pushes us to do things and behave in ways that nothing else does. We all face our biggest demons and reach our greatest heights through love. The person we love turns into a mirror to the deepest part of our selves. When you find that, is anything worth letting it go?

She asks me these questions, and I don’t know what to say. Who can ever know the inner workings of someone else’s heart? I know they’ve tried for years, and still seem to have problems they can’t get past. I’ve seen them hurt each other as much as they’ve loved each other. I’ve seen them both cry, but I’ve also seen them look at each other with a joy I didn’t even know was possible.

Should she run back and try again, or should she accept that she’s tried her best? I have no idea. We’ve all been there, we’ve all hurt and been hurt, but it doesn’t make it any easier, does it? I hate seeing couples break up. I want to believe in love over everything, but sometimes people just have to move on and it makes me so sad. If any of you out there are going through something similar, I send you my sympathies. It really is tough...

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