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Learning on the job

india Updated: Feb 12, 2012 01:06 IST
Loose canon

First Minister: Hey, look who’s here. What the heck are you people doing in Sin City? Looks like the entire state cabinet is here.

Second Minister: I could ask you the same thing, boss.

Third Minister: Heh, heh. What’s your racket, sir?

Fourth Minister: Whoosh thish?’

First Minister: Oh, I’m on an educational trip. Lots of gambling going on in Bangalore, you know, I have to clean it up. What better place to study gambling than Las Vegas?

Second Minister: I’m into research too. I’m inquiring into sex and prostitution. I head a committee on licensing discos in Bangalore, so I thought I’ll see what kind of nightspots they allow in Vegas, for starters, go on to Paris and head home by way of Bangkok.

First Minister: Ah, Bangkok. Such a great centre of learning.

Third Minister: I’m studying rave and drug parties. Bangalore is full of them, so I’m checking whether they are really as depraved as people say. And wow, what fantastic depravity.

Fourth Minister: I’m looking into the boozh problem. Arrack addiction is a big problem back home. I’m shampling the cocktails here, then I’ll take in the wines in France and the whishky in Scotland. It’s a global problem, you know, al…alco..holishm.

First Minister: Are you drunk, minister?

Fourth Minister: No, no, not at all. But I have to try out the shtuff to write a proper report.

Third Minister: It’s a bit like practical exams.

Fourth Minister: Exshactly, what’sh the point of jusht reading books.

First Minister: That’s the spirit, minister.

Fourth Minister: Which spirit? Where? Bourbon?

Second Minister: The things we have to do in the line of duty. I investigated a nightclub till late last night and then looked a little into the hooker problem on the way home.

First Minister: Did you by any chance film your night’s efforts? Would you have an MMS clip?

Second Minister: Of course. I get turned on watching it later, you know, educationally, of course. Besides, I have to show it to our colleagues, won’t they be drooling? Because they can learn so much from it, you know. I’m planning a lot of hard work for the next few nights, maybe I could make a whole film? But God, it’s very tiring.

Third Minister: You should try cocaine.

Second Minister: Oh great. Will it work for an orgy?

Third Minister: Well, it worked for a threesome, when I was relaxing after a tough morning spent shooting heroin. But you could add a few poppers.

First Minister: You have no idea about the hours I have to spend in the casinos here. I could do with some refreshment myself. Those slot machines take it out of you.

Fourth Minister: I’ve got jusht the thing for you. Itsh called a brain dushter. An ounsh of Tenneshee whishky, one ounsh Absinthe, another of shweet vermouth and a dash of bittersh.

Third Minister: I wouldn’t recommend booze, minister. You need ice cold nerves for gambling, I think some grass would help. Try the brand they call Texastea.

First Minister: Thanks. Sometimes I think….is all this studying worth the effort? Will the voters back home ever understand how hard we work?

Fourth Minister: Ungrateful shlobs.


Manas Chakravarty is Consulting Editor, Mint

Views expressed by the author are personal