Trying to come out of the effects of Chemo, those lonely sleepless nights brought a flood of memories of the past. What I did that I should not have done; what I should have done I did not do.
This brought a lot of guilt feeling. Great saints have said one should live only in the present. My consciousness told me that what I am going through was inevitable and as per the plan of nature. And I got tremendous support, help, facilities and affection from various quarters. So, putting worries aside, I ruled whatever I did in the past was due to the will of God .
To my rescue came Swami Tyaganand. He said there are two things that we should erase from our memory and only two things that we should never forget. The first thing that we should delete forever is the memory of any bad deed that anyone has done to us. Remember that he was only a via media, a carrier to deliver result of our past Karma. Invariably, we shall find somewhere we were at fault. We cannot blame the postman for bringing any bad news.
The second thing to be deleted from the memory is the good deed that we have done to others. Everyone gets what he deserves; we are only via media. We should be grateful to the recipient. By receiving our grace, he is obliging us. This also helps reduce the ego.
The first thing that we should never forget is that “everything passes away”. Nothing lasts forever. Bodies perish; relations change. We are not here forever. If we shall not let go of things, nature will take them away from us anyway. This way one can develop detachment in heart. Also remember that even the pain and sufferings will pass away.
Secondly, one must learn to surrender before God. Krishna says at the end of Geeta, “Relinquishing fully all dharmas; take refuge in Me alone, I will liberate you from all sins, grieve not.”