Let’s end the battle of sexes

Rise up men and end the handbag’s reign of terror! From this day forth, let all handbags be created equal. Imran Khan challenges the Mars-Venus theory...

Hi Priyanka; It’s Imran, your fellow columnist. On Friday, you wrote about how women have now started carrying luggage and calling them handbags, and I thought I’d jump in with the rest of my kind (men) and ask the question that irritates you all so much.

Why on earth must they be so big? Do you really need to carry a spare pair of shoes at all times? I find myself satisfied wearing just one pair all day long. Not to mention the amount of time taken digging things out of these bottomless receptacles... “Where’s my wallet? Hmm... sunglasses, pen, mints, car keys, eyeliner, lip gloss, cheque book...” It’s endless!

HT Image

And don’t try and defend those matchbox-sized things you call clutches! They fit absolutely nothing, and we poor men end up having our pockets stuffed with miniature perfume bottles and lip balm! Oh, when will it all end? Enough, I say! Rise up men and end the handbag’s reign of terror! From this day forth, let all handbags be created equal. Let them be of reasonable and convenient dimensions, so they may carry all of womankind’s ‘stuff’ without throwing off the balance of my car when they get in... ok, maybe I got a bit carried away!

I sometimes (ok frequently) ask my girlfriend to put something of mine in her bag. And it is handy that she always has a Crocin just when I need it most... I seem to have switched sides. Must re-assess situation; how did I get here? Is there a way back? Should I buy myself a Gucci or a Louis Vuitton? But seriously, what if there was common ground? Enough with the Mars-Venus thing, let’s find a compromise! No more squabbling over the toilet seat. You put it down when you want to, we’ll put it up when we want to! We’ll stop asking how much longer you’ll take to get ready, you take our word for it when we say you don’t look fat in that dress! It's brilliant! I can see it already, a new age of harmony on the
horizon.

Seriously, PC (may I call you PC? Now that we’re ushering in a new age of harmony together, and all that) I think there’s tremendous promise here. Ending the battle between the sexes, learning to compromise and generally all getting along? I’m psyched, I’m ready for this. You talk to your people, I’ll talk to mine. We’re gonna make this happen!

PS: Priyanka, in case you didn’t read my column last week, please don’t take anything I’ve said seriously. And if you do, please don’t hit me with one of those big bags...

Write to me at imran.khan@hindustantimes.com