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Love to love you

What is this human need to know what happens to us after we are dead? Vikram Bhatt wonders.

india Updated: Jan 12, 2009 19:50 IST

It is not possible to view anything other than from your point of view. We are from the inside out and not from the outside in.. I know I’m babbling, but what can I do? I’m hung up on Cranberries’ Zombie and it’s in my head! In my head! Okay let me bring this to order.

What is this human need to know what happens to us after we are dead? And by this, I don’t mean to us, like the white light and the heaven and the hell scenario but to the people around us.

Like our near and dear ones, will they mourn? Will they miss us? Will my wife remarry? Will my children forget me? And the most important question of all — will the world remember me? Will history remember me? Will I be come a road, a chowk or a cancer research institute?

Human need
To be remembered after we are gone is a human need. I was watching a documentary on television in which I saw that the pharaohs of Egypt went to manic extents to be remembered by history.

Take huge temples, pyramids and all that, not to mention the famous words of Tutankhamun, “How will history remember me?” So what is this fascination and where does it stem from?

And my musing this Sunday morning is — Is it possible to seek fame without being in love with yourself? And the keyword here is, seek. You may say that Mother Teresa is famous and obviously not self-loving. I agree but Mother Teresa never sought fame. I’m talking about seeking fame.

Love triangle
I have to admit that anyone in my profession and by that, I particularly mean actors and directors, are completely and totally in love with themselves. I used to joke with an actress girlfriend of mine that we are in a love triangle where both she and I were in love with her. She would crack up but the truth is, I’m in love with myself too!

I want Vikram Bhatt to become famous, to be remembered and I know that at the end of it all, I will be a picture on the wall. And yet the fascination continues.

We work tirelessly, at times without money and with terrible obstacles, to fulfill this fascination, and yet I find myself incurable. I find this need to be known like a shadow that refuses to leave me.

Living with oneself
Anonymity scares me and is my greatest fear. I’m sure this is the case with everyone in showbiz. But still, I know that anonymity will come regardless of how much I may be in love with myself. So what’s the cure?

Can I stop loving myself? To be honest, I don’t think I can. Because if I do, there will be no motivation for me to do what I do. But there’s one cure and that is to tell myself that in the low tide of life, I must love myself equally and not let myself get bitter and cynical and hate people who are in the limelight.

I must love myself and tell myself that I must be what I am and not let anything matter because loving yourself can sometimes lead you to become a person who cannot live with oneself. Tough but the glass is half full this one time.