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Man proposes, Google disposes

Making newborn babies fair, actress armpits, girls from shaadi.com, a dog with a middle finger and Sidhartha Mallya buck naked! Rahul Roushan, the Pagal Patrakar from FakingNews.com writes.

india Updated: May 26, 2011 17:19 IST
Rahul Roushan

Many people consider Google as God, because it has all the answers. You type anything into the search box, hit enter, and you have whole world of information in form of blue colored links before you. Many news websites depend a lot on Google as people searching for any ongoing event could land up on their website if their links show up in the results.



But does it help a "fake news" website like Faking News?



My website doesn’t get a huge traffic from Google search results, but still there are many who land up on Faking News looking for some "information".



And I feel bad for them.



No, not because I think my website has no information (it has, trust me!), but because many of them must be pretty disappointed with what they end up getting as opposed to what they "wanted" to get.



Consider the following search terms (without quotes) that people typed in Google and landed up on some page of Faking News in the last one week:



Google
Faking News on Google...
"pakistani gays upto 30"
– I don’t know what this web surfer was looking for, but maybe he was some 30-year-old Pakistani homosexual man, who trusted Google to come up with some "suggested friends" after being disappointed with Facebook’s algorithm? Pity, my website is of no use to him, but I thank him nevertheless for visiting Faking News and wish him all the best in friend search.



"dog middle finger" – hmmm… I love the ‘Angry Birds’ game, but someone wants ‘Angry Dogs’ it seems. Or maybe (s)he was some animal lover whose pet dog injured its middle finger. Whichever was the case, my website surely was of no help, even though Google suggested it.



"actresses armpits" – ah! Get a life man! Or maybe some deodorant brand manager was looking for the next celebrity endorsement? I still don’t think my website could have helped.



"how the newborn babies can become fair" – This fairness cream business is going out of hand. Seriously! I was further disappointed because the ‘relevant’ article on my website was on the third page of Google search results. That means someone was so hell bent on making his/her newborn baby fair that (s)he went on searching for all the links Google returned. God save the baby from such parents.



"shaadi.com girls" – sigh, people don’t even want to log into a matrimonial site to check out girls. They want Google to do the job, and Google drove them to my site. Good job Google!

“sidhartha mallya naked” – no comments, or was it Ranbir Kapoor? For a moment I wanted to photoshop a picture of Siddharth Mallya on the towel-less pose of Ranbir Kapoor from Saawariya so that this person has something ‘relevant’ next time (s)he googles, but later dropped the idea.

(Rahul Roushan aka Pagal Patrakar is the editor of the leading Indian news satire website Faking News. You can connect with him on Twitter and on Facebook)