Trust overfed American universities to come up with outlandish experiments that lead to dodgy conclusions. The latest study, conducted at the Ohio State University, shows that those depressed before marriage find marriage to be a great lifter of spirits. Just to make sure that the knobs in the machine were all working, the study also found that those not depressed don’t find marriage depressing. In fact, happy souls also have their spirits lifted by this social institution favoured by our mothers and aunts. But the degrees of bliss vary. While the happy are nominally happier after marriage, the depressed actually get a spurt of joy injected into their sad lives after they get hitched.
The depressed soul, as we always knew, was depressed because he or she was lonely and unable to find a suitable partner. But marriage — not unlike membership in the communist party — can be a responsibility too burdensome for some free spirits among us. But as the study convincingly shows, bachelors and spinsters are losers — even if it seems exactly the opposite by their outward behaviour.
There is a deeper lesson in this study. In case you are considering getting married, first get depressed. Otherwise, the joys of taking the plunge (or is it a lunge?) may pass you by unnoticed. All this talk of marriage is so very depressing. Time to hit the singles bar.