Why are you wearing that operation theatre mask? Are you a surgeon or Michael Jackson or a Japanese tourist?
Mmdmms mmmmm grmm.
What?! I can’t understand a word. Either loosen the mask or take it off!
[Peeks his mouth from under the mask] I’m wearing it, my friend, to avoid catching swine flu.
Oh. Well, has anyone told you that wearing a mask to avoid catching the flu won’t work? Only if you already have been tested having the flu does wearing a mask make sense.
Hang on. That doesn’t make sense. If I wear a mask won’t I be protected from H1N1-doused sneezes and coughs?
Apparently not. But if you sneeze and cough while carrying the virus, the mask stops it from travelling.
That’s no good then!
Actually, very soon you’ll be identified as a swine flu carrier on the streets thanks to your mask and, who knows, we live in irrational times...
What do you mean? That I might be beaten up by anti-swine flu bigots?
On the other hand, there is some talk about making the flu mask a fashion accessory. Rohit Bal and Tarun Tahiliani are already on their design boards trying to come up with a ‘flu look’ for their autumn collection.
Er, bless you. I think you should walk away from here now.
Why? That’s just a cold I’ve developed while standing under this AC vent.
I don’t think that policeman coming this way thinks so. He thinks that you’re in this bank to carry out a hold-up.
Do say: Will it help ugly people?
Don’t say: Can we get a colour that matches this kurti?