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Off with his head!

Dear Monomohon-ji,I want to bring to your attention the rubbish Budget that Pranab-da has tabled. He has had the audacity to hike taxes. Our party is against all hikes. Manas Chakravarty writes.

india Updated: Mar 17, 2012 22:11 IST
Manas Chakravarty

Dear Monomohon-ji,
I want to bring to your attention the rubbish Budget that Pranab-da has tabled. He has had the audacity to hike taxes. Our party is against all hikes. We do not want hikes in bus fares, in taxi fares, in fuel prices, in electricity charges and in train fares. Hiking is anti-people, except for salary hikes. You know what happened to Dinesh -babu after he tried to hike rail fares. Yet Pranab-da has done this same hiking nuisance.

I know there is a huge conspiracy behind this. Kolkata these days is full of conspiracies. There are conspiracies behind hospital deaths, behind deaths of political workers, behind the deaths after consuming illegal liquor and even behind rapes. These are all got-up stories, all dark and deep plots, just like the Budget. I ask you, who has plotted with Dinesh-babu to raise train fares? Please make the enquiries and you will know the true picture. I am not saying anything against Pranab-da. But he should not listen to wrong persons in his home state who are out to create problems for their own selfish interests.

Sir, you have passed out from Oxford and Cambridge, I am sure you know the numbers given in the Budget are nonsense. They have been cooked up by the CPI(M). See, Pranab-da has been talking about so many crores of rupees of plan and non-plan resources and non-tax revenue and what not, but he does not understand these numbers are useless, they have been manufactured by the CPI(M) for their nefarious purposes.

Also, why is there so much commotion about this fiscal deficit? It is just a media creation. All this talk about reducing the deficit by hiking taxes is media hype against common people. Pranab-da should not have bothered about it. If he had instead done his usual thing with Rashtriya Krishi Vikas Yojana (RKVY), KCC (Kisan Credit Cards), Pradhan Mantri Gram Sadak Yojana (PMGSY), RMSA,NRHM,BULLSHIT, PMSSY and the National Missions on Sustainable Agriculture, Oilseeds and Oil Palm, Protein Supplement etc to name just a few, there would be no problem. But no, he has been manipulated by the media, CPI(M) and Maoists, all acting together.

And then, what has he done for his home state? Yes, he has given some money to his home district. But he has not even given funds to make Kolkata into London, which we have started by painting the city blue and white and by playing Rabindrasangeet at traffic signals.

Pranab-da did not even quote any great Indian leader in his budget speech. But our ideology is Ma, Mati, Manush. It is the three Ms in English, Mummy, Mud and Man. What has he done for them? Why did he not quote Rabindranath or Netaji Subhas Bose in his speech? Why quote a foreigner like Shakespeare? For his information and for Dinesh-babu’s information, I also know poetry. More than a decade ago, I wrote this wonderful poem: India is our Motherland/Friendship with other countries is our stand/ Everybody loves their Motherland as they love their mother/But selfish people have some selfish fathers. Some non-intellectual people have had difficulty understanding it, so I have added a foreword. Here it is: If reading this poem leaves you puzzled/ All it means is you aren’t sozzled. Hope it is clear now.

Sir, I am afraid that, because of these unfortunate things, Pranab-da has lost the confidence of the people. It is time to replace him with Mukul Roy.
Yours sincerely,
A faithful UPA ally

Manas Chakravarty is Consulting Editor, Mint. Views expressed by the author are personal.