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Red light maths

india Updated: Mar 02, 2011 22:40 IST

Hey! What are you doing here today? You don't even read books and you're here to celebrate World Book Day?

Hmm. That explains all these folks lugging books under their arms. It's International Sex Workers' Rights Day every March 3. Which is why I'm here.

Oh, but I saw you on Tuesday at the World Mathematics Day gathering...

So? You don't think a hooker knows her mensuration table? I bet I know more about differential calculus than that bloke over there.

I very much doubt that.

Excuse me, sir. Could you tell me Andrew Wiles' method of proving Fermat's Last Theorem? [Nervous man walks away]

You just scared him away. He was with his wife!

Oh stop, if you know how to make a customer have a happy ending you know how to prove Fermat's last theorem. We sex workers need to stand together like the Fibonacci numbers.

They friends of Silvio Berlusconi?

No. They are the numbers 0 and 1, and each subsequent number that is the sum of the previous two.

Where did you learn all this?

If you have customers with multiple tastes, honey, you gotta know certain algorithms.

So if I, er, start wearing short skirts, lipstick and stillitoes and talk about maths with lonely men in bars, I can work for the Comptroller and Auditor General one day?

For that, you'll have to celebrate Kapil Sibal's birthday on August 8. It's World Now You See It, Now You Don't Day.

Do say: Not a word in this budget about giving sex workers pension benefits!

Don't say: Is that a calculator in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?