It all started with an innocent friend request. Chandan Tyagi (name changed on request), a married financial analyst, couldn’t resist adding his girlfriend of college days, Bindiya Sahai, as he stumbled upon her profile on Facebook. Soon, they were chatting about work, family and current relationships. Neither of them had the clue that this apparently harmless interaction would result in the resurrection of an old bond. They started meeting, and soon, their spouses discovered that they were hooked on to each other again, and this resulted in utter chaos.
“I had no idea that I will be drawn back into an old relationship. I did not want to cause turmoil in my life, but could not stop myself from connecting with Bindiya,” says Tyagi.Facebook fuelling infidelity?
Recent researches reveal that Facebook is the prime culprit in almost 33% divorce cases last year. Most of these people used Facebook to connect with their ex, as a result of which, their current relationship broke down. Experts say that the reason why people easily connect to their ex on Facebook is because it offers a secure and convenient platform for people to connect. "In real life, when a relationship gets terminated, people have negative feelings and it is an unpleasant experience for them to connect face-to-face. However, on Facebook, people can go at their own pace, wait for the other person to open up and do not have to confront unpleasant emotions heads on. People start experiencing intense feelings again and this happens easily and quickly on Facebook," says psychologist Dr Pulkit Sharma.
Bonding with your ex in most cases messes up your present relationship. “Connecting with your ex on Facebook without the knowledge of your partner is emotional infidelity. It’s natural for your partner to feel jealous,” says relationship expert Jai Madan.
Draw a boundary
If you wish to befriend your ex, let your spouse know and ask them how they feel about it. Include their feelings in your decision. “There is no harm in connecting with your ex and discussing your life with them, but do not use it as a platform to share frustration in your current relationship,” says Dr Sharma. And if your ex shares his/her marital woes with you, hear them out patiently, but do not become a rescuer.