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Saying goodbye...

Relationships, however strong they may be, actually hang by a thin thread that can snap easily, writes Vikram Bhatt.

india Updated: Jul 22, 2008 12:38 IST
Vikram Bhatt

We don’t get too many opportunities in life. At times,we realise that.. at other times, we don’t. We realise this vis-a-vis our careers, education and finances are concerned but not when it comes to relationships? Is a relationship an opportunity? I’m not implying this. I’m merely saying that giving it a shot could be an opportunity.

I realise this is a bit confusing. I have this terrible habit of picking up the thread from the middle and confusing the issue. Can’t get out My musings on this Sunday morning are—we have different relationships but they can be placed in two categories—the ones we cannot choose but are born with, like our parents or relatives.. and the ones we choose, like our friends, colleagues and lovers.

There’s something unique about these categories. In the first category, regardless of the fact if we want it or not, we will always be in that realtionship. One cannot wake up one morning and say, “My mother and I are not related anymore.”

You’ll remain mother and son, even if you don’t meet or talk to each other forever. But with friends and lovers, one can do that. I’ll talk about the relationships that we choose. I believe that we don’t get unlimited opportunities at making and keeping these relationships. So I’m concerned about the ‘goodbyes’ in our lives.

Relationships, however strong they may be, actually hang by a thin thread that can snap easily. Petty issues, emotional conflicts, egos, lifestyles, trust — anything can destroy it. This is followed by a ‘goodbye,’ when we swear to ourselves that we will severe all ties with him or her forever.

Can live alone
The problem with ‘goodbyes’ is they start by being really difficult. The first heartbreak, the first best friend and the falling out with each other process, the college gang that disintegrates— it’s all so difficult.

These first few ‘goodbyes’ really take a lot out of you. We do so with great difficulty but as we grow older, we sacrifice one relationship after another. The process of saying ‘goodbye’ becomes increasingly easy. We are confident that we can live alone. So the strength to say ‘goodbye’ actually takes away our need to keep a relationship going.

The more the ‘goodbyes,’ the more confident we get thatwe can live alone.

Hiint of arrogance
Here’s the dichotomy. When we can say ‘goodbye’ with ease, this means we can live alone. But it also makes us arrogant. The power to say ‘goodbye’ with ease makes us uncompromising stubborn and egotistic. So the power to say 'goodbye’ with ease takes away our ability to nurture our relationships.

So be wary when you bid someone close ‘goodbye’. You may be strong but are weak in a way. You have the strength to say ‘goodbye’ and live alone but lack the power tomake a relationshipwork. As I’ve just said,we don’t get the opportunity tomake friends over and over again. Use the goodbyes carefully. It’s a powerful tool.. and with power comes responsibility.