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Stay away from that jumpsuit

Fashion often comes out with a fugly style and somehow makes it de rigueur for fashionistas.

india Updated: Jan 05, 2010 14:27 IST
Jaydeep Ghosh

Fashion often comes out with a fugly style and somehow makes it de rigueur for fashionistas. If it was the Ugg boots and Harem Pants a while back, it is definitely the Jumpsuit these days. I wonder why it’s called a jumpsuit. Probably because like me it makes people jump at the very sight of a wannabe fashionista wearing one.

I know you will argue that every designer worth his salt has put a jumpsuit on the catwalk. But baby, jumpsuit is one fashion that is strictly for the size zero. If you have a slight butter-chicken or a paneer-kofta belly, darling give it a miss please. And yes, wear a jumpsuit and ask your man, “Darling, hope my backside is not looking big” and if he says “no”, he is definitely lying. The one piece overall not only makes your derriere look big, but also oblong, saggy, not aligned and what not.

Jumpsuits on non size-zero women are akin to VPL (visible panty line). A jumpsuit can be a beautiful thing for those who have the right figure. To me a perfect jumpsuit is the one that has a plunging neckline, nicely flared legs and the important, vulnerable section is black…hiding the multitude of sins which jumpsuits are normally gleefully happy to show off!

The Stella McCartney designed floral palazzo jumpsuit is the best jumpsuit I have seen, beautifully printed and certainly channeling that glamorous playsuit look. It creates no camel toe and all your bits are covered up. The belted versions too look a little better than the unstructured styles, but I’m still not a fan.

And wearing a jumpsuit makes going to the loo one helluva problem. I have heard girls claiming that it’s tricky enough to go to the bathroom in a one-piece bathing suit. Why would you want to wear what’s basically a body stocking out and about? Think about it. If you have to take your top off to relieve yourself, you could easily drop a sleeve in the toilet.

This style needs to hustle back to where it came from — the trash heap of bad ideas. We see them in shop windows looking fabulous on faceless mannequins, but wonder how in the world one could actually manage to show up at a party without resembling a giant cucumber with warts and bulges wrapped in fabric.

By the way here are some more lies your fashion magazine told you: Besides obviously that you CAN wear jumpsuits! The high-fat food that slims you down; Perfect red lips for every skin tone; Tone every bulge in 18 minutes; Mini skirts for every body type; And, drop two sizes in two-weeks/one month/six months/whatever.