Inspector Closeau, the bumbling gendarme from the Pink Panther series, would have been proud of our desi police force. We have taken a leaf out of his book and gone one step further in trying to blend in with criminals so as to better understand their psyche. The latest example of our unique policing techniques is the incident of some Mumbai police officers jiving at a party thrown by associates of notorious don Chhota Rajan. Many have taken grave affront to the officers shaking a leg with known criminals. They are missing the point.
The officers, acting beyond the call of duty, decided to utilise their resources profitably by getting up close and personal with the unsavoury bunch of thugs. Who knows what nuggets of information they might let drop after a drop or two of the good stuff. Or what they might reveal while executing a few sharp turns on the dance floor. Our police are only following the Marxian dictum of subverting the system from within. It is only a matter of time before our novel methods of crime detection are emulated by the best of them across the world.
Look at the manner in which we dealt with the Karkare case. The first thing was to throw away the evidence, in this case the bullet proof jacket in question, and then begin investigations on a clean slate. The confusion over the whereabouts of the jacket is only a smokescreen to confuse vested interests while our super sleuths piece together the events of that fateful day. Evidence, in Perry Masonian manner, routinely disappears during investigations here. But for you Doubting Thomases who think this is negligence, we have news. These are all well-planned so as to conduct the proceedings unhampered by footling nonsense like clues and material evidence. To the untutored let us inform you that the best results are obtained by following our famed procedure that revolves around the principle of ‘ask no questions, get no answers.’