The only people who must be more upset than us about the latest Al-Jazeera-Gallup poll must be the Taliban. Shysters running the poll have come up with the upsetting news that while 59 per cent of Pakistanis felt that the US was their main threat, only 18 per cent feared India and a dismal 11 per cent said that the Taliban gave them the collywobbles.
Where have we gone wrong? It is all very fine to send in the drones and blow people up to kingdom come, but don’t these Pakistani loonies not realise that we are in the hood? Before you can say bismillah, we could be in Lahore creating a run on galauti kababs on a good day.
It is clear that the blighters are lying to make us feel bad. We’ll have no choice but to conduct our own poll, perhaps in Sach ka Saamna style. Then when we have them hooked up to the polygraph, let’s hear them say that they don’t fear us as much if not more than those lily-livered Yankees. Don’t they realise the fearsome things we have in our armoury? It’s all very fine for the Pakistanis to boast of a couple of Stinger missiles and a few unwashed jihadis. But they pale in comparison with our weapons of mass destruction like the hyper-pelvic Govinda, the reptilian Mallika Sherawat, or horror of all horrors, our Wagah-bound peaceniks. If we were to unleash such lethal missiles on them, they would be singing a different tune.
So next time there is poll, let’s hope our Paki brothers come up with a more realistic scare scenario. We will let things be this time around. But no second chances. Let it be clear that they must, as the tagline of the movie The Fly says, ‘be afraid, be very afraid’ of us.