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The Oscar goes to...

india Updated: Feb 21, 2010 23:30 IST

Move over George Clooney, there is a new kid on the block. Yes, it’s the Tiger and what a performance. The only prop missing when he finally fessed up to having had multifarious rolls in the hay was the icy blonde wife. Now we really feel for old Tiger. It wasn’t his fault that every floozie from the west to east coast wanted to kip down with him. As a public personality, he couldn’t turn them away, could he? And after a hard day’s work on the greens, he needed a little colour in his life. Oh, and we forgot, he couldn’t help himself because little did he know that he suffered from this potentially fatal disorder called sex addiction.

The moment one of the blonde babes whom Uncle Tiger had taken under his wing actually suggested that he was a cheating, lying sexual predator, he sought professional help. He saw the light, like Saul on the road to Damascus, when the wife clipped him around the ears with a nine iron. Now that he has come to the realisation that he cannot mooch around the sex rehab clinic reciting 72 Hail Marys everyday, he wants his old life back. And all the world loves a sinner, so an artful public confession about what a bad boy he had been is the route to redemption. And with mummy by his side gushing a la Sally Fields, “I’m so proud of you. Mom will always be there for you.” Excuse us while we throw up.

But, there is a bright side to all this. Just in case Tiger has lost his touch, and we use the word loosely, both
on the field and off, he could easily begin a new career in Hollywood or even Bollywood. After all, this is the international blockbuster remake of the cringeworthy dialogue, ‘mere paas ma hai.’ For all of you who thought that Tiger’s handicap would keep him down, be sure that there is a hole new world out there for him.