If you don't support Anna Hazare, you are a traitor and an a******e that deserves to be shot.
If you decide to go on a voluntary fast for an issue you believe in and get extremely sick in the process, the government is to be blamed for taking your life.
People who live in Mayur Vihar would rather live in Tihar Jail than go back to Mayur Vihar. They cite better standards of living and its central location as decisive factors.
It takes the country's most powerful woman to be allegedly struck with cancer, one of India's leading civil society activists to be dying of hunger and millions of Indians to venture on the streets for our Prime Minister to even (reluctantly) issue a statement.
We've reached a stage in our politics where MPs making a speech about an issue without reading from a paper is hailed as an achievement. This after we collectively pick our jaws up from the floor at actually seeing them inside Parliament.
No major act of social change is complete without Aamir Khan gracing the occasion. Luckily he forgets why he is on stage 15 minutes into his performance before moving on to working on his next film.
Organising anti-corruption rallies at venues near brothels is a great way to get Delhi men to release their pelvic frustration, thus leading to an overall reduction in the city's crime rate (35% decline throughout the fasting period) That or the criminals were busy laughing about Poschim Bongo.
Activists opposed to the government's UID scheme can easily subvert it by writing "Mein hoon Anna" en masse in the "name" column
Sri Sri Ravishankar is the spiritual manifestation of Vivek Oberoi and lands up at every major event in Delhi uninvited.
If Kiran Bedi ever decides to become a stand up comic, all of us will go out of business.
Gursimran Khamba is a pissed off writer, stand up comic, podcaster, social media junkie and lover of all fried foods. Except bananas. Follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/#!/gkhamba
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