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TV guide for the week

Realising the impatience with which you have been waiting for your beloved soaps, we offer you some sneak previews of the next episodes. For copyright reasons, the names of the serials and the characters have not been disclosed.

india Updated: Nov 22, 2008 22:02 IST

By the time you read this column, the strike by TV workmen will hopefully have ended and you will be able to watch your favourite serials soon. Realising the impatience with which you have been waiting for your beloved soaps, we offer you some sneak previews of the next episodes. For copyright reasons, the names of the serials and the characters have not been disclosed.

Family drama

The hero comes home and bends to touch his mother’s feet, but realises something is amiss. He straightens, looks carefully at her but can find nothing wrong. He then sniffs the air and steps back hurriedly, realising that the woman whose feet he had touched could not be his mother, because the perfume was Calvin Klein while his mother always uses Dolce & Gabbana. The lady tells him she is actually his mom but has changed her perfume because a gang of kidnappers want to kidnap her for ransom and she is trying to throw them off the scent. The hero suspects his wife to be the ringleader because she had been given up for dead in a car crash until she came back with a completely different face, lots of botox and a vastly different midriff and claimed she had plastic surgery. At that moment, the hero’s wife, aunts, grandmothers and great-grandmothers enter the room, wearing Kanjeevaram silks, lipstick and pearls. They are followed by his uncles, cousins, stepbrothers and stepfathers, wearing sherwanis. Then they all dance the bhangra. Meanwhile, John Abraham and Abhishek Bachchan drop in to promote Dostana. In the confusion someone suddenly shrieks and shouts out to the hero that his wife and mother are missing. The hero rushes to the next room and finds his real mother all trussed up, wearing a Paithani sari and Dolce & Gabbana. She sobs quietly on his shoulder and tells him that the woman using Calvin Klein was her twin sister who had taken a wrong turn fifty years ago and never came back. The deathly silence is broken by the expensive sound of the hero’s Nokia N79 ringing. He picks up the phone……..to be continued. The serial ends with a nuclear explosion that wipes out the entire family except the evil twin sister, who dances on their graves.

A romance

The episode starts off on a festive note as the heroine is getting married for the sixth time and this is the third time she is getting married to the hero. The hero, who has higher TRP ratings, has been married nine times. Suddenly, the heroine sways and falls. There is an expectant hush as everybody waits for the doctor to come and tell them of the pregnancy. But the heroine goes into flashback mode and sees herself next to a temple in a forest, dressed in goatskins being wooed by the hero, in matted locks. At that moment, a malicious aunt enters and stabs them to death. The heroine wakes up and realises she has been reborn to avenge her death. While the wedding guests dance the conga, she changes into a snake and bites the aunt, swiftly changing back to her feminine self again, but not before being observed by the hero who falls into a coma. The doctor pronounces sorrowfully that he has a brain tumour, which prevents him from making up his mind about whom to marry. To be continued… The romance ends happily with the lovers eloping, while the rest of the cast goes mad.

A mythological show

This is the story of the demon Soorpanakha and how her nose, cut off by Lakshman, has been found in the jungles of Sri Lanka, guarded by djinns and the LTTE. Oops, sorry, this is breaking news.

A horror serial

The man is depressed, the woman’s face ashen. An eerie quiet prevails, the calm before the storm. Then a bell rings shrilly and the screen slowly turns blood-red. Oh sorry, got the wrong channel, that’s CNBC.

Manas Chakravarty is Consulting Editor, Mint