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Universal language: love

Cyrus Broacha solves your relationship quries in this column.

india Updated: Dec 10, 2012 16:55 IST
Seriously Cyrus

I am 22 and a girl recently joined my college in the inter-university exchange programme. Initially, I thought she was American, but turns out, she was Lithuanian. I was assuming this to be a state in America, but was shocked to know such a country exists. Can an Indian boy love a Lithuanian girl? And if yes, how do I learn the national language of Lithuania and is it difficult?
— Bittu
Wow Bittu, I hope you’re not majoring in geography or, worse, linguistics. Let me enlighten you about Lithuania. It is a Baltic state. It was part of the erstwhile Soviet Union.

It’s impossible to spell Lithuanian in Lithuanian. Can you love a Lithuanian girl? Yes you can, not only a Lithuanian girl, but you can also love a Lithuanian stuffed toy, a Lithuanian pillow or even a Lithuanian key chain. However I caution you, stick to the girl right now. The Lithuanian pillow and key chain can come later. Don’t worry about the language with her, stick to the universal language: love.

I am 24 and I’ve never had a girlfriend. My friends tease and make fun of me because of this. How do I handle their jibes?
— Abhijit
Twenty-four and no girlfriend? No worries. The great writer Bernard Shaw was 47 and had no girlfriend. Oscar Wilde died at 54 and still no girlfriend. In fact, even I, who passed 24 a few years ago, have no girlfriend. So, you’re in august company, the three greatest writers of the last century! And about the teasing, why don’t you join them? Nothing deters a teaser more than a person who enjoys being teased. And please don’t get a girlfriend just to impress your friends.

I am 20 and have never dated a girl. I’ve been attracted to girls, but never really knew if it was just infatuation or love. How do you differentiate between love and attraction?
— Chotta Cyrus
Dear myself: poets, philosophers, geneticists, social scientists and people who are far greater than me have tried to answer this question. But to no avail. Attraction can lead to love. Love includes attraction and then there are all kinds of permutations and combinations. The best I can do is this. Before marriage, we call it attraction. After marriage, to save face in public, we call it love. So please explore your attractions now, before marriage. Don’t land up like me, and wait for after.

I am 23 and I love a girl from my building. I have approached her twice for friendship. But she just ignores me. I’m sure she doesn’t have a boyfriend. I’m so confused. Meanwhile, I am friends with another girl in my building and interested in her as well. With her, chances of rejection are low. Which girl should I go for?
— Dhamo
Dhamo, what do you mean when you say you have approached the first girl for friendship? Did you have a legal document on your hand? Was it dark as you approached? What did you exactly say? Now, if she’s clearly rejected you twice, why bother a third time? Or is there an ulterior motive? Her flat, for example? Dhamo, cancel the first girl, give the second a go, but I’m not sure of the technique you’re employing. Please let her get comfortable around you before you propose your... err, friendship thingy.

Just write to uncle cy at cyrus@hindustantimes.com

And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.