Democrat Hillary Rodham Clinton, more familiarly known to Americans as ‘The Other Clinton’, and to Indians as ‘The Other Woman’, entered the Democrat Party Presidential candidate elections as the favourite. After losing to fellow Democrat Barack Obama at Iowa last week, she overnight became the dark horse. But with her ‘surprise’ victory at New Hampshire earlier this week, Obama is the black horse again — and the Junior Senator from New York, back as the ‘Blonde Lady’. A peep at what she went through this week:
Jan. 5, Saturday: Bill, I need to know, I need to know. You look into my eyes and tell me truthfully. Was it my teeth and my frostiness that lost me Iowa? Or was it my fierce unwillingness to play the ‘woman’ card?
Jan. 6, Sunday: Polls show that I’m behind in New Hampshire. O dear, O dear. [On the phone] Harry, I want to know what people think of how I look after my speeches are over and when they are applauding. Oh, Harry, I also need to know whether the balloons in Obama’s rallies are rounder. They are? Well, chop chop then. And one last thing, Harry. Can you get a snap poll on how voters in New Hampshire compare my bottom with that of Obama? Thank you.
Jan. 7, Monday: At last I have a moment to myself. Now I can take my face mask off and practise the Janov Primal Scream technique that Yoko Ono thoughtfully passed on to me last fortnight at the Cafe Boulud. [Piercing scream inside padded hotel room.] Ah, that feels so much better! Now I can smile again for the cameras. [She practises a sort of demented smile.] A message from Harry on my Not-So-White’n’Blondeberry? Yes! New Hampshire prefers my bottom to Obama’s by a slender 4 per cent! [Pops her head out of the padded room] Emily, get my tight fitting skirt out for tomorrow.
Jan. 8, Tuesday: Bill, Bill! I won! Obama looked so helpless in his dark suit and big ears! I’ve just sent Oprah a card. It shows a cartoon of a person — who happens to be a woman, who also happens to be Black, and incidentally in the entertainment industry — being splatted with a pie — that happens to be a cream pie. Just in case she doesn’t thinks I’m being rude, or that I’ll need her help like Obama clearly does, I sent her a note inside: ‘Remember Martha Stewart’.
Jan. 9, Wednesday: Bill, why were you hugging Michelle [Barack’s wife] so tight at the dinner? No, Bill she didn’t need consolation. No, Bill she wasn’t choking ona chicken.
Jan. 10, Thursday: Now, how do I reach out to Black male voters on Tuesday in Michigan? Hmm. I know. Harry, get Michael Jackson on the line from the Gulf.
Jan. 11, Friday: Couldn’t get Michael. Will have to get someone who’s a White woman and has faced discrimination in America for my rally on Monday. [Picks up phone] Hello, Monica. How are you doing? You sound so lovely over the phone. Bill was saying you’ve lost a few pounds. Now, I was wondering...