Why do we fall in love? | india | Hindustan Times
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Why do we fall in love?

Each one of us has an unconscious capacity to scan another person?s blueprint. Check out some of the identification paradigms.

india Updated: Jul 01, 2006 17:31 IST
HT Style

Besides physical attraction, many people are drawn to someone who shares the same interests. Why do we fall in love with some people and not with others?

All of us carry with us a psychological blueprint, holding details about our life experiences and the marks they’ve left. Each of us has an unconscious capacity to scan another person’s blueprint.

The people we’re most attracted to are those who have a blueprint that complements our own. The purpose of an unconscious fit is to find someone who can complement our experiences.

Do you recognise any of these unconscious fits?

Parent-child: This type of couple often has shared issues with dependency and trust. One partner copes with those issues by behaving in a childlike way. Their partner takes on the role of parent and thus supresses their own needs for dependency which is acted out by the other.

Master-slave: Here one partner is bossy and takes charge of every household circumstance, while the other dutifully toes the line.

Distancer-pursuer: The unspoken agreement here is that one will chase and nag the other for more intimacy while the other runs away.

Idol-worshipper: One partner puts the other on a pedestal, this often indicates an issue with competition.

Babes in the wood: This couple share the same interests and dislike the same things.  They keep anything bad out of their perfect relationship by joining forces against the big, bad world outside.

Cat-dog: On the surface these partners look as though they should never even have met, arguing incessantly over anything. You may see elements of your relationship in all of these types.

As we progress through our relationships, we slip into a certain pattern of behaviour. For example, at a time of illness you may turn parent-child, while you’re babes in the wood after the birth of a child.

All fits serve a psychological purpose designed to protect ourselves from discomfort.

Most couples aren’t aware of their fit until something happens to change it.

We all grow and mature, our needs change and our relationships need to adapt to those changes.