A few years ago, I came across a true story about a great player of his time, namely Arthur Ashe. He was African-American and had millions of fans all over the world. He was not only a great player but also a thorough gentleman.
In 1975, Ashe won Wimbledon, unexpectedly defeating Jimmy Connors. In 1988, Ashe discovered he had contracted HIV during the blood transfusions he had received during one of his two heart surgeries. He and his wife kept his illness private until 1992, when the news leaked. Soon Ash started getting lots of mail.
Many asked him as to why did God choose him of all the people while he had not done anything wrong in his life? To this Ashe’s reply was, “All over the world some million teenagers aspire to become tennis players. Out of these million may be a hundred thousand reach to some sort of proficiency. Of them only a few thousand play in some circuit and only a hundred or so play the grand slam. Finally only two reach the final of Wimbledon. When I was standing with the trophy of Wimbledon in my hand I never questioned God “Why Me?” And now what right do I have to ask God “Why Me?” Ashe died in 1993.
After going through this story, I thought I would never question God’s plan and the sufferings he may have in store for me. But a human being is very weak in keeping his promise. “Why me” the question still torments my mind after the chemo while I search for an answer.
I find it very difficult to analyse my past Karmas. I have learnt that great people also had to suffer. For example, Raman Maharishi or Ramakrishna Paramhansa, had got throat cancer towards the end of his life. But he never asked Maa Kali “Why me?”
Is that not a good enough reason for me to endure my sufferings? But with a positive mind. One does not know what miracle might happen! Any way, hoping for the best is my habit.