My mother has threatened to throw me out of the house if I crib on Diwali. And since I really don't want to spend one of the only two annual holidays (PS: there's no HT City tomorrow) on the road, I shall refrain from telling you about how much pollution crackers cause and how little children are exploited in the making of crackers. And I promise not to tell you how animals suffer on Diwali.
But there's no clause in the anti-cribbing law that says I can't tell you to be safe and considerate. After all, those have to be the two most important ingredients of festive cheer.
So now, without further ado, I present four easy-to-remember tips for those of you who care naught for the environment, child labour or animals. Here's hoping you at least care about your fellow human beings.
1. Bucket list: Throw your used phooljhadis and anars in a bucket of water once you're done. If they're lying there red hot, anyone who steps on them could get severely burnt.
2. Rocket sing: Point your rockets away from your neighbour's balcony, ensure there's enough open space for it to sizzle and burn. You really don't want to watch your neighbour's clothesline burn in the middle of the night.
3. Avoid cars and electronics: Just be logical. Don't light your crackers near cars, you could seriously damage a window or wore. And really, stay far, far, far from meter boxes, lamp posts and wires - you don't want a blackout in your colony tonight.
4. Look around: If there's a child or an elderly gentleman crossing the road, please hold off on lighting that cracker - a two-second delay on your fun may save someone a heart attack or a real scare. That's it. I'm done. Have an awesome, awesome Diwali.